Thursday, October 8, 2009

My seven year old self

I went home looking for a bit of my 7 year old self. I really can't remember much. Someone asked me what I was like and what I liked to do and I wasn't really sure.
Now that my Lily is 7 it seems important for me to dig around for my younger self.

Here's some things I found..

I loved this quilt backing on my bedspread. My great grandmother made it. I would make a fort with my knees and tuck the blanket under my head in the morning when the sun shone in. The colors were jeweled and glowed like candy. I loved the reindeer and the bright colors.

I read alot, many of the photos I have of me I was reading. I found some of the books I enjoyed, read again and again.

I know I loved my guinea pigs and stuffed animals. Neither of them are around anymore. I gave the remaining guinea pigs away as a teenager, how sad! Some of my stuffed animals were quarantined in a black plastic trash bag for 2 weeks when I got lice in grade school and were never heard from again. There was a big tiger from Disney World and when I think of it I can still muster up the thrill of bringing it home on the plane.

These ribbons amused me while my mother was in the basement sewing. I remember being enthralled by the patterns and its tangled opposite on the other side. They were always too precious to put on anything transient, like clothes. They still hang there on the lamp near the machine.

The field was where I would go exploring. I loved to be out there and I really was drawn to birds. I always said I was going to be an ornithologist. I wanted to love, study and be an expert on birds. I stood out in the snow trying to get the hungry chickadees to eat from my mittened hand like they did in my Ranger Rick magazine. I was furious when they didn't.

Part of what I love about Reiki, the hands-on and energy healing/prayer vehicle I use as an adult, is that you can send loving healing energy to anywhere in time and space. So, I have been visualizing sitting in the bed beside buck-toothed and awkward me, getting to know her and sending her Reiki and lots of compassion. I think I really despised alot about myself back then and that's why I don't remember much. I know my family loved me, but what I remember is feeling uncomfortable and self conscious about my teeth that stuck out funny and my knobby knees. It breaks my heart now to see I could have felt sad about such foolish things, felt lonely in a world filled with so much love. So when I sit with little me I send her love and imagine it helps her feel fuller and stronger. It is sweet.
I like to thing of the line from a Hafiz (the 14th century sufi mystic) poem,

"Love kicks the ass of time and space."

And so it does.

1 comment:

  1. Your inner 7 year old is being well loved and cared for! Thank you for writing about this. I got nostalgic as I read about you re-living some of those things you loved as a child. I held the Little House on the Prairie book in my hand at the library today and then put it back because my kids are too young for it. Your post reminds me that perhaps I need to head back to the library and get it for my own enjoyment! (Because surely my inner 7 year old is pouting.)