Sunday, August 19, 2012

Weeds taking over

Lily had camp this week at Woolman Hill in Deerfield.  She goes to Girl's week every year and loves it.

Next year Georgia will go, but Lily wanted one more year there to herself.  Georgia and I walked around the property, once Lily was at camp, and admired the overgrown plants.

I am feeling a bitter about having too much to do.  I don't know how other people do it!  I want to read a guidebook.  I want to know how other people seem to be doing everything!  I really don't get it.

Here's my list:
Pay bills (Not just have the money, but manage it in a productive organized way!)
Work (Learn new skills, be present, process the drama and chaos of what can happen in a shift!)
Keep the garden beautiful (I know it's not a necessity, but that window of garden order this spring really made me happy.  But the weeds are taking over,)
Parent (Totally different children who need completely different things)
Partner (He likes some attention, too)
Creative work (I have been promising myself to write just 15 minutes a day and it breaks my heart how often I break that promise.)
Spirituality (I want to walk about in the woods and meditate 15 minute each days, but I don't.  Sigh)
Keep up home (Arrg.)
Keep up car (Don't even talk to me about that!  I have been driving around with a reject sticker on my car because I can't bear to spend the 375$ on fixing the middle back seatbelt that Cookie chewed and we don't use.  Still need to fix it.  Also part has been on back-order for weeks.)
Dog (Training a skittish yet hyper dog who can "sense the slightest change in your blood pressure and respond with anxiety" per the dog trainer.  Great.  Don't get stressed, now, or the dog will chew the molding.)
Food (Cook healthful, not too expensive gluten free meals everyone will eat in an organized and plentiful way.)  Ha ha ha ha ha.
I'm sure there's more, like friends and travel and reading but that list felt like the bare minimum.

See I'm bitter.

My therapist pointed out if I didn't have back issues it wouldn't be so hard, which is true.  Alot of my time and energy is spent on my back this past 4 months or so.

But also she wondered about weeds taking over.
Was that so bad?
Could they be a metaphor for the inevitable chaos of life.
Maybe not fighting it quite so much and just letting there be weeds.
They can be beautiful.
And fighting them takes a great deal of energy.

Woolman Hill is filled with weeds, buoyant happy weeds taking over the fields and the edges near the forest.
And they are lively and even useful and healing.  Above is Burdock in flower and the yellow flower above that is Jerusalem Artichoke, both are food and medicine plants.

Here the grapes are taking over something you can't even see anymore.

Georgia and I walked in our bare feet through the woods.
I let her lead.

We went into the yurt on the property and there Georgia found a mouse.  It looked at us with its round dark eye through one of the holes in the old stove pipe cover.  We looked back.  For what felt like a long time.  Then it scurried away.  We peeked in and saw its nest, fluffy and safe.  Georgia was beyond thrilled.  There was something in the moment where all the eyes were staring at one another, of discovery and surprise that was very satisfying.

And as we walked through the fields I fell for the weeds.  Fine.

I'm going to just observe what appears in my garden.  I'll just keep trying to muddle through.  But if anyone writes a guidebook; I want it.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

The season turns

Well hello there, season change!
Suddenly, there is golden light and a tinge of chill in the air.

The purple loosestrife are blooming everywhere.  My father and sister always lamented their arrival, calling them "end of summer" flowers.  Like sparklers burning away until, finally, the flower was spent and fall had arrived.

 I always think I will resist fall; that I won't be ready, but then (so far) I am suddenly ready for the cool nights.

Gathering the last cherry tomatoes before they're cut down because of blight.  They are insanely red and juicy.

Ahhh.  Picking flowers.  I think I'll be quick, come in rushing, but then I really can't help but slow down and savor the beauty.  There is an amazing amount of gorgeousness.  Picking flowers.  In a farm field.  As the sun sets.  Really?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Critters take over

Once we'd unpacked from vacation, the girls settled in and played with their toys spread all over my inversion table that I was going to use diligently now that I'm home.

I think it really helped my back.  I am taking fewer and fewer pain meds and moving better every week.  I still have a bit of a limp, but even that is getting better.

So I let the critters hang out for a bit.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Last days of vacation

Poor Georgia got sick and we spent the last day just sitting on the porch with her in my lap.

I'm reading Parenting Without Power Struggles
and really enjoying it.  She makes many incredible points but something she returns to again and again is to be present with your kids and get your own agenda/ego out a the way. (She uses Byron Katie's The Work, which I love and haven't been utilizing enough lately.)

So, instead of taking a walk, blogging, painting or making a phone call, I just sat in the porch swing (which I made back-friendly by importing alot of firm cushions from around the cottage) with Georgia in my lap.  She was a bit astonished, sadly.  "Really, your going to sit with me?"  She had a fever and wanted to be outside so we sat.  It was interesting how I had to fight the urge to squirm, get up and do something, but it didn't take too long for me to really feel the blessing of being with my young child while she was sick and wanted to sit quietly with her mother.  It was very sweet.

Another bright Lily in a nearby yard.  They smell so delicious!

A replica of "The Bounty" from the movie about the mutiny was in port.  We paid too much money to go walk around it with alot of other people. 

Friday, August 10, 2012

Fiddlehead artisan supply

What an amazing new store in Belfast.  The colors and layout were so gorgeous, I just wanted to walk around and enjoy it, but the girls wanted everything in sight. (OK just fabric and the makings for woolen dolls.)  Money is tight, between my working less and spending money on things like acupuncture, meds, office visits and cranial sacral treatments.  With the pain I've been in, I know I had to do all those things but they add up.   We felt like we really needed a vacation this year, but as the week comes to a close, I am reminded I have to pay the mortgage and the bills when I get home. I cannot spend $100 on glorious fabric and fluffy natural wool for doll making supplies.  The girls were upset that I was cranky and giving them a lecture so we all skulked out without the makings for some life changing craft project.  Oh well.  Maybe next year.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Nighttime BBQ

There was a bbq after the sailboat race and we stayed and hung out until 9pm.  The girls had a magnificent time running around in the dark with their friends and camp counselors.  But when the mosquitoes finally attacked, everyone suddenly scattered to their respective cottages.  Georgia declared on the way home, "That was the awesomest night ever!"

Sailboat race

Lily's sailing camp had races on Thursday evening, which were impossible to follow from the dock.  They were so far out and we had no idea what their path was supposed to be so we squinted and used binoculars and enjoyed the cool afternoon.
Georgia went through many moods as the hours went by.  Happy and engaged.

Bored yet agitated.

It has become clear that Georgia feels left out and always 'behind' as the little sister.  The should have been obvious to me I suppose, but I figured she liked doing whatever she was doing.  But  Lily has more playdates, sleepovers and camp experiences, while Georgia sits on the dock with the grownups or gets to go grocery shopping.  It does kind of blow to be the little one.


Vacation allows for the slow down that allows the enjoyment of tiny moments.
These berries at the farmers market, getting dropped off by an older farmer in overalls.

The girls painting happily together.
The window in my favorite store in Belfast.  Coyote Moon.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Trying to get a picture of me

This is what happens when I hand Rob the camera and say, "Take a picture of me!" in a cheerful encouraging way.

He tries to be all artsy and probably tries discourage me from asking him too often.

First he holds it above his head, fine-whatever.

Then he takes one cutting off my head.

Oh that's helpful.
All the while he's smiling slyly.
By now I am stiff and blurry.
I see now why there are so few photos of me existing in our lives.

A fragrant treasure

Georgia slept in while I went to yoga and Rob relaxed in the hammock.  (Lily had sailing camp in the mornings.)  It was my first yoga class in more than a year.  Wow, that's sad.

Rob was worried I'd hurt myself, but I really wanted to just be in the old wooden community building and be quiet.  I conceded to his advice to skip the pain meds so I wouldn't get carried away.  I was glad I did.  I was saddened by how limited I was and how, even after two months of healing since my herniation, my movement was so limited, partly because of pain and partly because of fear of re-injury.

I limped home to this delighted girl who had found not only a gift from the mermaids that visit every year, but also had smelled a wonderful smell from her bed and hunted it down.  She had looked out her second story window and saw something white down in the neglected garden, trotted downstairs and outside by herself where she picked this glorious flower.  A Lily hidden from view from the street by all the weeds. She brought it in and found it some water.   It made the whole cottage smell good and Georgia was very proud to have found something so magical all by herself, by following her very sensitive nose.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


The biggest starfish we found this year.  They feel so cold and dense.  Their tiny suction fingers grab onto your hand and streeetcch when it's time to pull it off and put it back under the water.

At high tide there is jumping off the railing.  It makes me bite my nails, but it looks magnificent, like flying through the air!

Georgia braved the high dock this year!!!  She loved jumping into the cold deep water.

Lily and her friend jumped into the air together.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Bayside then Belfast

Sweet peas waiting for us at our cottage.  They smelled like cinnamon and vanilla.

We love the co-op and now that I'm eating gluten free I am so thankful to have tasty options 5 minutes away from Bayside.  Egg sandwich with bacon on a gluten free biscuit.  Yahoo!  Rob happily eats his side of bacon.
Fresh mint from the garden and leftover rum for potential mojitos.

A big birch came down this past winter so we have an even better view now.
Lobster we didn't have to steam.  What a relief!  The girls thought they would enjoy eating them, but once the cracking open started, they quickly changed their minds and had cereal.
The view from the bay up towards the house.  The days started to slow down and the big responsibility became grocery shopping.  Lovely.

Rock-paper-scissors on the floating dock.  Whoever loses has to fall in backwards.  Georgia was much more involved with the social life of the dock, she transitioned to becoming one of the big kids this year.

Fishing for Mackerel, no luck this year.  I brought a recipe and everything.

Relaxed and smiley.  It's nice to get a break from life.