"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~Joseph Cambpell

Was the quote that caught my eye on the spine of a Real Simple magazine. It made me sigh.

I have been fiercely holding on to my deep desire for another child.

Even though it is impractical (We don't have money, time or space for another baby.) I still want that third child.

We are taking a break from talking about it because it was driving me (and my dear husband) crazy.

This break is a tiny crack in my plan. I have been holding tight to this plan, along with the clear and practical vision that I would write a book (I did) sell it (I did not) and it would set me free (guess what? didn't happen)
I know I know; I've complained about this before...
This freedom I hoped for entailed being home with my babies and husband while taking time to write and walk in the woods. I was going to be a mom and forest hermit at the same time.
This did not happen.
I think I have been holding out for that third baby; hoping that maybe this third time life would fall together. That meant it would be peaceful and filled with expansive serene moments of solitude combined with heavenly baby togetherness. Ahhhhhhh.
I am so pissed it didn't happen!
Now my children are getting bigger and bigger. They're not babies anymore. Time has run out for my plan.
How did that happen?
I am angry and stressed out; juggling too much, just like every other overworked overwhelmed working mom.
That sucks.

Back to the quote.

Maybe it's time to get rid of the life I imagined.
And see what's waiting for me.

Uggh. It's so difficult to let go.
It seemed like such a good plan.........