Sunday, June 3, 2012

Some progress

on de-cluttering the study.
Now that I know it is a process filled with grief and loss, I am less surprised by both my resistance and  then the emotions that accompany it.  Time to get rid of my care-worn and battered Dr Sears book.  I have been a mother for 10 years.  That shocks me.  I do not need this book anymore.  That shocks me, too.  How can baby time be over?  Over!?
Well it is, and holding onto the book won't change that and, really, I love my girls the ages they are and I love to sleep through the night so - carry on.

I had a helpful talk with my therapist, too, about how I totally wanted to transform the room into a pristine and empty space, clearing out everything.  She wondered if maybe I was feeling like I had to clear out myself and my life to be a healer, get rid of all the mess.  But really, I am myself and I don't have to be perfect or change myself completely to be a healer.  Hmmm that helped.

Also, once I informed her that I was going to go through  everything, the mix tapes, the cds, the books from college and half-done writing from India and so much more; she reassured me that I could save some stuff for later.  I didn't have to integrate everything at once.  Just enough to keep moving. 

I felt lighter after I got off the phone with her and later that week I cleared more than I had in months.

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