Thursday, October 4, 2012

Picadilly at dusk and angels

We went on an outing to Picadilly farm at 6pm when it was already getting dark.  The weather has been so cloudy it made the colors of the flowers look rich and deep.  Alas my camera couldn't capture the jewel-like colors without ruining everything with a bright flash or being blurry. So, I took alot of unsatisfying blurry pictures, of the veggies, the horizon, and the exciting pig escape.

The kids were trying to figure out what game to play: statue, tag, hide and seek?  Then Lily yelled, "Pigs are loose!" and bolted.  I thought it was a game, but no- the pigs were loose!"

The farmers were alerted!  The pigs were corralled, pushed and hollered back into their pen with great gusto.  Poor plump pink pigs just wanted to root in the cabbage and broccoli fields.

I was able to get photos of Georgia's very bright clothing choices and Rob picking me flowers because I cannot bend.  He is sick with a cold and has missed alot of biking this year which is too bad.  He has been having to do everything around the house.  He came home the other day from work and emptied the recycling and garbage, vacuumed, picked up all the random crap I couldn't, unplugged and plugged in things, took the laundry down and started it, brought the laundry up and took the dog out all before sitting down. The kids do help, but certainly not in such a focused and determined way.  I am hoping to continue with the children's increase in help around the house that my injury/surgery has initiated.

I am glad I had the surgery and at this point I was talking to a friend and realized instead of feeling cursed by illness; I am feeling blessed that I live in a world where my injury could be diagnosed and treated before catastrophe.  I am so pleased to not be paralyzed and to be planning a life filled with freedom and movement.
I think that shift started even before the surgery when I went to see a doctor for a pre-op check up.  She's a likable woman I've seen a few times; not my primary.
She looked at my chart and saw my sepsis history and need for surgery and she said, "You don't do things small!"
I took a breath to complain, thinking "I know.  Can you believe it?  Again?" and she added,
"You must have alot of angels."
I was taken aback.  Partly because I didn't think she would say anything about angels and partly because, why, yes I do have alot of angels.
I laughed and said, "Well maybe I do, but do I have to keep having such dramatic things happen?"  She looked at me and said, "Do you know Byron Katie and The Work?"
I was flummoxed again.   I didn't think we'd be talking about Byron Katie during my pre-op appointment but I replied,
 "Yes, I do, but"
And she said, "This is what's happening.  This is what is meant to be happening.  You are having back surgery.  That is what's happening in your life."

I asked about Dr Oh, my surgeon and she said, "He is a pretty amazing guy.  A great surgeon.  I mean neurosurgeons are like the smartest people ont he planet.  He has had so much training!  He thinks he can do this miscroscopically?  Katherine, you are going to walk out of there with a band-aid!"

Suddenly I was feeling very lucky.

During the exam she asked about how my sepsis was diagnosed and I told her the story about that morning two Marchs ago when I was so sick.

"Rob didn't know I had been up all night with an eardrum rupturing infection, fever, vomiting and confusion (I was confused enough it didn't occur to me to tell him in the night.)  He was walking out the door dressed for work, letting me sleep in.  The nurse simultaneously called at 8am, finally returning my call from the night before, and when I told her my eardrum had ruptured and I was vomiting she told me I better come in again (I had been in the day before.)  When Rob came one last time to check on me on his way out the door, I told him he had to take me to the doctor.
He was confused, even annoyed.  "I'm going to work.  I have a meeting.  Why can't you take yourself to the doctor?"
I don't know what I said, but he asked, "What doctor is it?  Where are they?"
and I answered, "Through the window."
He and Lily looked at each other as they realized things were not right.
Later, once I had stabilized, the infectious disease specialist at Baystate would say, "You really scared us Katherine.  We were really worried about you."  He looked at Rob and said, "If you had gone to work and she hadn't come in then; I hate to imagine what might have happened. It might have been too late."
At that point in my telling of the story the doctor interrupts, shaking her head, and says, "See!  Angels.  Lots of angels."

Fine.  OK.  Angels.  Bring them on.

The other piece of information that made me want to get into surgery as soon as possible was a co-worker mention that their wife had caudal equina syndrome.  I had not heard of anyone having this mysterious syndrome so I was all ears.  This lovely active young woman in question got it from doing back exercises to help her painful back!  A disk herniated into her bundle of nerves at the base of her spine and she could not walk!! She ended up in the hospital learning to walk with a walker!  Akkkkk!  She also could not urinate for  a while on her own!!  AKKKK!  It made me love and admire this woman all the more and made me desperate to hear her inspiring story of how she recovered, but AFTER I had my surgery.  Yikes and Holy Crap.  After.  The.  Surgery.

So I am glad to be here, feeling really pleased with my tiny incision and full lower body function.
A bit quivery when I walk too far or talk too much.
A bit overwhelmed by the prospect of building up strength and finances.

But, yes, very thankful for all my angels.

1 comment:

  1. You are an inspiration - I'm so glad that you are surrounded by angels - it gives all of the rest of us joy and hope.