When you get that feeling, believe in it

(This is Self heal, an unassuming weed growing in our yard and and all over the place, is a powerful healing herb. It" inspires motivation and a belief in your own inherent healing powers." Flower Power by Anne McIntyre)

Part of the motivation for writing this blog is to increase the magic in my life, to have a time and place where I process and feel what is going on in my life and respond to it.

I was feeling a bit frustrated with the numbers, the dang numbers. I was seeing 333 everywhere and getting a bit tired of it. I started reminiscing about looking for connection to the divine at other times of my life.

Then Rob and Lily came home thrilled with seeing an enormous moth resting on a mailbox during their bike ride. We looked it up and it was a Luna Moth, which reminded me of the time 10 years ago at a Healing with Flowers conference where I did a journey. Elliot Cowan was beating the drum and leading us on a shamanic journey. I closed my eyes and laid on the wood floor along with everyone else and tried not to feel skeptical or fearful I wouldn't be able to perform. He beat the drum, gave us some guidance and I did have an interesting sort of waking dream that was long and involved. Most of it I forget, but I remember within the journey I was leaning against a tree when I looked up there was a Luna Moth resting on it.
I had never seen one in real life, but there was a lush green moth in my vision.

I came home from the conference and a few days later I was walking down the street and there, right in front of me, was a Luna Moth. It was outside a bar in Amherst. Big, fraying, resting on the side of a building. It made my heart stop and and I halted. There she was! I was frightened; didn't know what was expected of me. Didn't know what to do. My friend was curious but kept walking. There were people all around. We kept walking.

I spent alot of time thinking about that. Was I supposed to move the moth to a safer place? Was it a validation that the dream world was real and connected to this one? What did it mean?
I haven't seen another Luna Moth since.

I also remembered, even longer ago, maybe 15 years. We were camping on Grande Isle in Vermont for the solstice. It was a beautiful property of an acquaintance with woods and views of Lake Champlain. We drove out in the evening and slept in tents. I woke up early (I am not usually the type to do that!) and snuck out of the tent with my binoculars and watched the sky get brighter. The birds sounds were cacophonous, all around they were singing. I wanted to see a special magical bird, a lifer, to celebrate the summer solstice and to balance the nighttime thrill of hearing a screech owl through my muddled dreams.
I made it to the bottom of the hill and there, above the outhouse, was a scarlet tanager. It was lovely! And just the bird I was hoping for: flashy, sweet and something I'd never seen before. I felt welcomed into the outdoor world, whole and unified. I was proud when I made it back to the tents and they were still sleeping. Like I'd snuck away and found treasure.

I haven't seen a Scarlet Tanager since.

So, a few days ago I was feeling frustration and wishing for more pleasant confirmation of connection to the deeper world than a dang number on my watch catching my eye. I wished for a bit of diversification in my messages......

Today I took a walk on the Mushroom path near home and what was laying directly in my path? A Luna Moth.


















I picked it up, shocked to find it intact and laying on the brown leaves. I could imagine it flying slowly through the night. What a sight that would be.



I kept walking and what should I see above my head, but a bright red bird. A Scarlet Tanager! You have got to be kidding me!

Here is the song he was humming to himself.

http://www.learnbirdsongs.com/birdsong.php?id=33

I stood there with him chirping over my head for about 15 minutes. What a sweet chunky beak, what beautiful brilliant feathers. He stayed so close and even moved down in the tree toward me;

I had a bit of trepidation, some fear, that he would fly down and land on my hand, like I was Snow White or Cinderella, but he didn't.

I felt so happy, even when he flew away; I wandered through the woods feeling visited and connected.

When I got to work, after report, I looked at my watch and it was 4:44, one of my favorite times. According to Doreen Virtue it means: "Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm, and are an Earth angel yourself. You have nothing to fear-all is well." I'm not sure what it all means but I love the reassurance that all is well.

Then I went to turn off a beeping IV pump and it had 444 cc's left in it. Then, 20 minutes later I went to get Thai food and bring it back for dinner. The license plate in front of the Thai place was 444. Weird, damnit!

Carolyn Myss has said, "Your ability to create is your ability to respond." To respond to all the small smoke signals from the divine.

I wondered how to respond. When I got back to work (it was a quiet night, can you tell?) I read this email from Heron Dance about canoeing through rapids.

"But the true art of running rivers, and of life I think, involves tapping into the transformative force, that element that comes from slowness, calmness, reflection and from the deeper recesses of the mind and soul. The conscious mind takes you only so far. Making your way through the rapids is intuitive. It’s preverbal. You can’t put it into words fast enough to avoid the rocks. You need a sense, a vision. When you get that feeling, believe in it."
Rod MacIver
http://pauseforbeauty.blogspot.com/

I loved the last sentence. It is so easy to discount or ignore that transformative force. I'll try to take his advice. We'll see what happens.