I did the bills and was overwhelmed with the need for money for car repair and camp payments.
I went to bed with a prayer, for a sign to tell me everything would be OK. That the bills would work themselves out and that I could trust that things would be alright.
I have been working less at my nursing job, getting my business up and running, but the bills have not been growing less. Rob has been supportive, but a bit worried about me taking time and money to get certifications and really invest in my training. So I went to bed with a heavy heart. Am I doing the right thing? Was this all some foolishness?
When I woke up in the morning, I went to the girl's room to wake them up for school and there was a toy? a magnet? a large sticker? No! It was a Luna Moth! A real live specimen! Right there clinging to the window screen.
We spent the morning checking him out. (I think he was a male because he has the bushier antennae.).
His body was thick and fuzzy and his little legs clung to the screen. It was a windy day, so we worried he would get tugged away, but he held on tight all day into the evening.
I felt such joy in seeing him there.
It felt like an answer to my prayer.
It reminded me that everything is fine. It will all be fine.
Luna moths have been the animal messenger from the other world before.
When I did my first group shamanic journey with Eliot Coleman (who wrote Plant Spirit Medicine) during a Healing with Flowers conference in 1999 it was a Luna Moth who guided me down the pathways to the other world, When we came back from the journey I was surprised that a Luna Moth had been in my journey because I had never seen one and they weren't really on my radar, but I loved to see it's large green wings bright against the dark trunk of a large Mother tree.
Several days later I was walking down a busy Amherst street when the bars were letting out. I was there with a friend and we were talking when suddenly there was a Luna Moth, tattered and huge on the side of a building, fluttering. I was speechless. My Luna Moth! She was here! In this world. I stopped, but there were drunk men around and I didn't want to stop. I couldn't share the magic with my friend right then, but when we got out of the chaos, I cried to her and tried to tell her, "That was the moth! Why was it there? I should go back and get it." She listened, but thought we should go home. The moth would be fine.
I always felt cowardly for not going back, through the throng of drunk men and gently taking the moth to the woods, to a tree, back to the night sky.
I read up on Luna Moths, learned they only live for a week and do not have mouth parts.
They do not eat.
They only mate.
They find each other in the darkness because the female releases a chemical in the night and the male "smells" her with those bushy antennae.
I wrote about finding an intact Luna Moth, dead on the path in front of me in this post
http://katsuzharris.blogspot.com/2009/06/when-you-get-that-feeling-believe-in-it.html
http://katsuzharris.blogspot.com/2010/03/resting-exercise-from-martha-beck.html
here's the link to the guy who created it
http://www.intentionalresting.com/
It is amazing.
Very deeply relaxing and I did it alot when I was in back pain.
Part of the process is "resting" for things that you want, resting into them as a way of releasing, yet creating them. So I rested into Luna Moths. I wanted to see them again. I completed my daily (somewhat) meditation with the intention of seeing a Luna Moth and then I waited and waited and just when I was getting a bit skeptical and annoyed, guess what happened?
On my way home from work in the middle of the night I saw a bird,
a big flapping bird in the lights of the Vehicle Inspection Center in downtown Greenfield.
My mind said, "Bird? Midnight? Bird?
I pulled over to see an enormous fluttering green creature, almost like a fish in the air.
The wings were that familiar droplet shape.
It was a bright green flapping Luna Moth in the bright beam of light.
It landed on the ground at my feet. Huge! Glorious bright green!
The antlers were lush and large!
Thinking it was a gift for me, I leaned down to pick it up.
Just then my co-worker pulled into the parking lot. She's seen me pull in suddenly and get out of my car, so she was worried I needed car help. "Are you OK Katherine?" she asked from her car.
I turned to her and the moth flew up and flew away, through the stream of bright light off into the night air.
My friend was apologetic for distracting me, but I had seen it's beautiful details. it's fuzzy antennae and bright false eyes on its wings. I was glad I had a witness, too.
So, I loved the Luna Moth coming for a visit today.
He stayed all day and at night he was still there, so I turned of the girl's nightlight and hoped he would fly away.
I went up an hour later and he was gone.
Hopefully flying through the night, attracted to the smell of a female somewhere.
It gave me great hope, that there are ways to connect to those that you are meant to connect with.
That people will find me and I will help them.
And that everything will be OK.
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