Rob and Me to NYC

Rob and I went away this weekend to New York City. It was our 20th, yes 20th! anniversary. We eloped on our 10 year anniversary. I wish I had a scanner; I would show you a photo of us in with the Justice of the Peace in New Orleans in the sunshine, looking younger.

This weekend we left the kids in the care of my parents and went to the city for 3 days and 2 nights. We stayed at Hotel 17 near Union Square that has a lovely elevator and lobby. The shared bathrooms are clean and make me feel like I'm in Europe with the polite notes to flush only toilet paper in 4 different languages on the brass plaque fixed to the back of the door.

Here is Rob's meticulous map marked with eating spots he writes down after he reads wonderful things about them. He has this system because years ago we went to New York and had a scattered trip with way too much walking and shitty food because we didn't really know where to eat. I didn't want to go back. Last year Rob convinced me that we could have a fun focused time and not walk 8 million miles and he was right, so we were back for more.





We each had our pilgrimages. He wanted Stumptown Coffee. It is supposed to be the best coffee in New York. He got carried away and said the best in the world. It was a sweet spot. The coffee was a bit strong for me, but I loved my latte. We had pretzel sandwiches. We both liked the one with butter and brie. Who wouldn't?!


Then to the MOMA. We'd never been. It was a bright airy building with wonderful art, but holy crap it was crowded.

We took a puppy picture for the girls


















and a photo of us with Frida Kahlo. She did this self-portrait for a friend and put the mirror there so she and her friend could be together.














Rob was bored by the Monet exhibit but I loved the colors and had to get a photo of the lily's close up for Lily.



And Van Gogh's Starry Night which Lily had learned about in art class last month and then been blown away by the rendition on the cafeteria wall at Greenfield High School. "Mama! Look! That's it! That's the painting!" she had yelled, jumping up and down like she had spotted the original. I wish she had been there to see the real thing. Next time.








The next stop was St Patrick's cathedral. I had been looking for a Virgin Mary shrine since November when I posted in here about wanting to light a candle and ask for her guidance in mothering after listening to Marianne Williamson recommend it to a woman asking questions about parenting.

http://katsuzharris.blogspot.com/2009/11/virgin-mary.html

I had been complaining to Rob over the last month or so about how I couldn't find a local church that was beautiful and open. I had assumed that churches would just be waiting for me or other souls to enter, but they're not. I even called an Episcopal church and talked to the volunteer about if they could open for me and the rector didn't get back to me. I was frustrated and shy about calling places to get in but I didn't want to go on a Sunday with everyone else. I didn't feel like I could say, "I'm not a parishioner. Really I'm not even Christian, but I love the windows in your church and I need to pray to Mary as a representative of the Great Mother Goddess. My self-help CD told me I did."


The day before we left Rob showed me that he had been researching churches so I could do what I needed to do. I was so touched. Church-going is not his idea of a good time, but he knew it was important to me. He also thought, and was right, that there would be churches that would be open to the public where I could light my candle and have a moment without having to play phone tag with a church volunteer named Ethel.

I lit several candles and took some time to pray to Mary and ask for her guidance in mothering my girls. There were so many people, all sorts of people, praying to the Virgin Of Guadalupe. There were fresh flowers on her altar


Just to cover all our bases we also lit a candle at the Our Lady Of Czestochowa shrine, too.

The amber flicker of the lighted candles was beautiful.
The sunlight coming dimly through the blue stained glass was lovely.


I prayed for my girls, for wisdom and strength to be the best mother I can. I prayed for patience and asked for guidance. I put my 2 dollars in the metal cashbox and I lit the candle, actually Rob lit this one. That's his hand.


I could have stayed for hours, like the dozing homeless people in the pews, but we had places to go.





During the trip we ate really well, although the candy bar pie at Momofuku milk bar and the cereal milk ice cream sort of threw my sugar switch and I spent the rest of the time in town prowling for sweets to satiate me. We had ramen and pork buns, cookies and crepes. We napped, we walked and talked. It was a really marvelous time.

I've been with Rob for 20 years now. We got together when I was 19. Do the math. This year is the turning point of having spent more time with him in this life than without him. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so happy to have a partner I adore, a co-parent I love and admire and a guy who cooks me good food and makes me laugh all wrapped up in one great person.

I love him so much I went with him on his pilgrimage (when I resisted, he reminded me he had spent the morning in a church. A church!)


He wanted to go to the Russian Baths. We knew almost nothing about it and I was nervous.

So, when we got there we got dressed in the single sex dressing room and then headed down to the basement where there were four or five different saunas.
http://www.russianturkishbaths.com/enter.html

One has a shower head where you can cool off as you walk out the door, one is cloudy with eucalyptus steam, one is wood, one feels more like a gym. I started to get confused about which was which as time went on. Round clocks hang on every wall and every one displays a different time. It was 5pm when we went in, but I was totally disoriented. One clock said 11:05 another 9:15 another 4:00. I just gave up; which felt good.
I feel like I went back in time. The men mostly had facial hair and wore these robes that made everyone look like they came out of The Ten Commandments. Some people were hipsters and some were Russian old men and because everyone was wearing either bathing suits, shorts or these weird robes my social assessment and diagnosis cues were thrown out the window and I felt like I had traveled far in time and space.
There was a cold 45 degree pool and a bank of showers along the wall. Rob would dunk in the pool. Stepping into the pool is all I could do, it was too cold. I took tepid showers instead. I was there in my Land's End mama-skirt bathing suit , but no one paid me any attention. It was such a socially confounding landscape, it didn't matter.
I had been on high alert and wasn't thrilled about going because I didn't know if the place would feel intimidating and lecherous. I imagined alot of men in their skivvies glaring at me across the pool and that didn't sound fun at all.


This sign was on the stairs on the way down to the baths. It was a co-ed day and there were about 40 people who came and went and around 10 were women, but we were all pretty much left alone in a pleasant way. I was surprised, but everyone seemed disoriented and focused on their sweating selves. The big Russian sauna has a huge oven in the corner and up platforms were two men doing oak leaf cleansings with cold water, olive oil soap and a bundle of oak leaves they used to swat and soap up the bodies that lay on the platform with a towel over their head. "No way!" is what I thought when I saw that going on, but Rob was intrigued and shocked me by volunteering to go next. The masseuse guided me over to an empty seat on the bench in the hot hot room filled with about 15 men.
It was dark, the oven was made of clay and people sat staring off into space and then they would get up and gather a bucket of water from the well, pour it over their head and then go back to their sitting place. The masseuses were amazing. They would scrub the person, bend their legs up toward their heads, pull their arms to lift the upper body off the platform and then, Rob said just as he got too hot and was about to say something, the man would pour a big bucket of cold water over him, holding Rob's nose closed. I got hot and had to leave the oven room. I just sat on the tiled bench and relaxed while people wandered around around me going from one room to another. I felt deeply peaceful and cleared out. Rob emerged and was guided to the cold pool where he dunked and then was wrapped up in a robe and a towel was put on his head. He was glowing and happy.

We got dressed and paid our bill ($90) for the entrance fees and his massage combined. Not bad! We emerged into the dark city and it was snowing, white flakes drifting down. Lovely.