Feeling Feisty

OK, Ladies.  I've been home for almost a month and really resting and relaxing alternating with organizing and writing.  But during this time I am getting emails and books and TV documentaries by these amazing people looking at women and power in our world.

First, I got an email from Marie Forleo, who educates women about creating a thriving life, mostly focusing on creating an online business.  She's really funny and smart and I like getting her videos every Tuesday.  This Tuesday she sent an email about Half the Sky, which started with a book, then a documentary and now a movement.  Here's her youtube link to get you started.

 http://www.marieforleo.com/

You can watch it on itunes and It was playing on PBS.  I just watched the first half today and between crying and wanting to vomit; I was deeply moved and motivated to help make change in the world.  So many women and girls have no voice, no recourse, no freedom, it's overwhelming, but Half the Sky does a nice job looking at people who are making changes and then lets you link up with them.
I've got it on my DVR so if anyone wants to come over and have a Half the Sky gathering; come on over!

 http://www.halftheskymovement.org/

I also got a fantastic book from a friend to read while I was recovering. How to be a Woman by a the British author Caitlin Moran.  It is so damn funny; I can't read it in bed because I laugh so hard, I shake the bed and wake Rob up, "Whhaaaa. What are you doing?" he mumbles and then goes back to sleep until the next page makes me laugh again.

She is so honest, funny and pissed off; it is very satisfying. I HIGHLY recommend it.  I haven't finished it yet because I don't want it to end (I can get clingy with books I really love, and resist their ending, but thankfully she has a new book coming out now.) 

Here is a link to her website and a little excerpt.  Funny!
http://www.how-tobeawoman.com/

ABOUT HOW TO BE A WOMAN

1913 – Suffragette throws herself under the King’s horse.
1969 – Feminists storm Miss World.
NOW –  Caitlin Moran rewrites The Female Eunuch from a bar stool and demands to know why pants are getting smaller.
There’s never been a better time to be a woman: we have the vote and the Pill, and we haven’t been burnt as witches since 1727. However, a few nagging questions do remain…
Why are we supposed to get Brazilians? Should you get Botox? Do men secretly hate us? What should you call your vagina? Why does your bra hurt? And why does everyone ask you when you’re going to have a baby?
Part memoir, part rant, Caitlin Moran answers these questions and more in How To Be A Woman – following her from her terrible 13th birthday (‘I am 13 stone, have no friends, and boys throw gravel at me when they see me’) through adolescence, the workplace, strip-clubs, love, fat, abortion, TopShop, motherhood and beyond.


Another awesome woman who is inspiring me is Mama Gena.  I was given her book at my last year's scholarship adventure at the amazing Pleasure camp with Jena Laflame.  http://www.pleasurableweightloss.com/  (which was deeply mind-altering and transforming!  She's doing it again this November and I highly recommend it.)
Last month I finally read Mama Gena's School for Womanly Arts and really really enjoyed it.  (At first I was put off by all the talk of manicures and pedicures, which really don't speak to me, but then I realized those were just symbols for a woman's desire or pleasure; whatever that might be.)  She believes that "Women are the greatest untapped natural resource in the world" and that if a woman focuses on her pleasure she creates a powerful magical life.  Sounds good.
http://www.mamagenas.com/books/
Here's a link to her blog where she discusses issues around women, pleasure and power.  I loved this entry on Pussy Riot and what's going on with women and power in the world.

http://www.mamagenas.com/pussy-riot/

SO! Mama Gena is coming to Massachusetts and I want to go!  Anyone want to join me?
http://www.mamagenas.com/catch-me-massachusetts-oct-18/

Picadilly at dusk and angels

We went on an outing to Picadilly farm at 6pm when it was already getting dark.  The weather has been so cloudy it made the colors of the flowers look rich and deep.  Alas my camera couldn't capture the jewel-like colors without ruining everything with a bright flash or being blurry. So, I took alot of unsatisfying blurry pictures, of the veggies, the horizon, and the exciting pig escape.

The kids were trying to figure out what game to play: statue, tag, hide and seek?  Then Lily yelled, "Pigs are loose!" and bolted.  I thought it was a game, but no- the pigs were loose!"

The farmers were alerted!  The pigs were corralled, pushed and hollered back into their pen with great gusto.  Poor plump pink pigs just wanted to root in the cabbage and broccoli fields.


I was able to get photos of Georgia's very bright clothing choices and Rob picking me flowers because I cannot bend.  He is sick with a cold and has missed alot of biking this year which is too bad.  He has been having to do everything around the house.  He came home the other day from work and emptied the recycling and garbage, vacuumed, picked up all the random crap I couldn't, unplugged and plugged in things, took the laundry down and started it, brought the laundry up and took the dog out all before sitting down. The kids do help, but certainly not in such a focused and determined way.  I am hoping to continue with the children's increase in help around the house that my injury/surgery has initiated.

I am glad I had the surgery and at this point I was talking to a friend and realized instead of feeling cursed by illness; I am feeling blessed that I live in a world where my injury could be diagnosed and treated before catastrophe.  I am so pleased to not be paralyzed and to be planning a life filled with freedom and movement.

I think that shift started even before the surgery when I went to see a doctor for a pre-op check up.  She's a likable woman I've seen a few times; not my primary.
She looked at my chart and saw my sepsis history and need for surgery and she said, "You don't do things small!"
I took a breath to complain, thinking "I know.  Can you believe it?  Again?" and she added,
"You must have alot of angels."
I was taken aback.  Partly because I didn't think she would say anything about angels and partly because, why, yes I do have alot of angels.
I laughed and said, "Well maybe I do, but do I have to keep having such dramatic things happen?"  She looked at me and said, "Do you know Byron Katie and The Work?"
I was flummoxed again.   I didn't think we'd be talking about Byron Katie during my pre-op appointment but I replied,
 "Yes, I do, but"
And she said, "This is what's happening.  This is what is meant to be happening.  You are having back surgery.  That is what's happening in your life."
 Well.

I asked about Dr Oh, my surgeon and she said, "He is a pretty amazing guy.  A great surgeon.  I mean neurosurgeons are like the smartest people ont he planet.  He has had so much training!  He thinks he can do this miscroscopically?  Katherine, you are going to walk out of there with a band-aid!"

Suddenly I was feeling very lucky.

During the exam she asked about how my sepsis was diagnosed and I told her the story about that morning two Marchs ago when I was so sick.

"Rob didn't know I had been up all night with an eardrum rupturing infection, fever, vomiting and confusion (I was confused enough it didn't occur to me to tell him in the night.)  He was walking out the door dressed for work, letting me sleep in.  The nurse simultaneously called at 8am, finally returning my call from the night before, and when I told her my eardrum had ruptured and I was vomiting she told me I better come in again (I had been in the day before.)  When Rob came one last time to check on me on his way out the door, I told him he had to take me to the doctor.
He was confused, even annoyed.  "I'm going to work.  I have a meeting.  Why can't you take yourself to the doctor?"
I don't know what I said, but he asked, "What doctor is it?  Where are they?"
and I answered, "Through the window."
He and Lily looked at each other as they realized things were not right.
Later, once I had stabilized, the infectious disease specialist at Baystate would say, "You really scared us Katherine.  We were really worried about you."  He looked at Rob and said, "If you had gone to work and she hadn't come in then; I hate to imagine what might have happened. It might have been too late."
 
At that point in my telling of the story the doctor interrupts, shaking her head, and says, "See!  Angels.  Lots of angels."

Fine.  OK.  Angels.  Bring them on.

The other piece of information that made me want to get into surgery as soon as possible was a co-worker mention that their wife had caudal equina syndrome.  I had not heard of anyone having this mysterious syndrome so I was all ears.  This lovely active young woman in question got it from doing back exercises to help her painful back!  A disk herniated into her bundle of nerves at the base of her spine and she could not walk!! She ended up in the hospital learning to walk with a walker!  Akkkkk!  She also could not urinate for  a while on her own!!  AKKKK!  It made me love and admire this woman all the more and made me desperate to hear her inspiring story of how she recovered, but AFTER I had my surgery.  Yikes and Holy Crap.  After.  The.  Surgery.

So I am glad to be here, feeling really pleased with my tiny incision and full lower body function.
A bit quivery when I walk too far or talk too much.
A bit overwhelmed by the prospect of building up strength and finances.


But, yes, very thankful for all my angels.

Literary Mama

         http://www.literarymama.com/

Literary Mama is a website that published my essay Third Baby in 2009 and today they published it again in their blog as a writing prompt. I got to write a quick update about where I am at about having more children.  I could have written much more, but I only had a small amount of room.  It was interesting what came up.
Click here to see.
http://www.literarymama.com/blog/

They also published a poem I wrote Nursing Barbie last year and I never got around to blogging about it (It was published when I got sick last year so it was not on my radar for a bit.)
 http://www.literarymama.com/poetry/archives/2011/03/nursingbarbie.html

 

  

Well taken care of

So I have been home recovering for two weeks now.  I'm not having much pain and am walking pretty well.  We received an abundance of delicious food that kept the family and me going for two weeks including these gorgeous gluten free cupcakes! (Sometimes I find it hard to share.)

My beloved sister has been sending marvelous care packages filled with encouraging uplifting gifties and notes.  Lovely.

It has been wonderful to see people and have visits.  It's so nice to eat food from people who are wishing us well.







My friend Lena is an amazing cook and she brought a banquet that was devoured.  I took photos because it was so beautiful (and there was sunshine!  There has not been much sunshine this last week!)

Here is a pile of dishes from all the kind-hearted people who brought us food even though their lives are busy.  I am so grateful.

Here's my spot on the couch where I spend alot of time.  The Halloween decorations are up really early on the porch (you can see the fake spider webs on the porch) because my sister was here and there was no way I could drag the Halloween box out and hang everything so someone else had to do it all.  She won't be back for a few weeks so she got busy.

Surgery went well!

I went in at 1pm Monday for pre-op IV start and such.  Everyone was busy, friendly and competent.  My mom and Rob were there with me.  Dr Oh came and checked in with us before surgery and wrote his initials on my back where he would be doing the surgery.  He is very calm and friendly.  He told us that I had the largest herniation he'd seen all year.  My mother looked horrified and asked if that would make the surgery more complicated and difficult. Dr Oh replied that it was actually easier because when the herniation is large it is easier to just "pluck it out"  I liked that image of ease.

I was given lots of anti-nausea meds like zofran and a scopalamine patch before I was rolled back to surgery.  I was going to ask the doctor how I would be positioned for the surgery but then I didn't really want to know.  It seemed so vulnerable to be prone.  How would the equipment reach me to breathe?  Would I be floppy?  I didn't ask.

I woke up and was taken to my room and there was Rob and my Mom.  It was early evening.  Everything had gone well.  Dr Oh came by to reiterate what he had already told Rob and my mom.  The herniated portion of the disk came out easily.  The S1 nerve had been pinched between a ligament and the herniation and now it was free. He was confident my function would come back to my left leg and foot.  Hooray!
 Here is my bed-side table with some of my stuff and a view of my hospital socks.

Home! I was discharged the next morning after I proved I could pee. My mother stayed in the B&B across the street from the hospital, the same place she stayed when I was sick with sepsis last year.  This admission was much calmer and less life threatening than last time I was in the hospital. http://katsuzharris.blogspot.com/2011/03/well-then.html

I hoped it helped my family release some of the PTSD around the experience of my last illness.  I slept when I got home.  The pain meds knock me out.  My sister and her husband had come on my surgery day and stayed home with Georgia, who was sick with a fever and stomach ache that, thankfully, I did not get before surgery.  The next day Rob stayed home with me after he caught me trying to put away dirty dishes into the cabinet.  "You're too loopy to be left alone!"  He muttered.  I took a nap outside and enjoyed the last days of summer sunshine.

Georgia was still sick so I did not get the serene solitude I was envisioning, but she was very cuddly and sweet so we napped together and both healed.

More surgery prep

Here are all my carrier oils that I get to choose from when I'm making a blend.  I've got them on my Antahkarana symbol that I laminated so it will protect my desk.  Here's an excerpt from the article on these ancient symbols from William Rand's Reiki webpage

"The Antahkarana is an ancient healing and meditation symbol that has been used in Tibet and China for thousands of years. It is a powerful symbol and simply by having it in your presence, it will create a positive affect on the chakras and aura. When doing healing work, it focuses and deepens the actions of the healing energies involved. When meditating with the symbol on your person or close by, it automatically creates what the Taoists call the great microcosmic orbit wherein spiritual energies travel up the spine, over the crown chakra, then down through the front of the body to the root chakra and back up again continuously moving around and around. This action balances the chakras and prevents too much energy building up in one or more chakras.  "
http://www.reikiwebstore.com/ProductPage.cfm?ProductID=297&CategoryID=6

Here are my completed products on my Reiki grid.  I made a peppermint hand sanitizer with alot of germ killing oils to avoid infection.  I've been learning that essential oils like Juniper Berry, Palmarosa, Ravintsara, Lemongrass, Tea Tree and Eucalyptus  have tremendous bacteria, virus and fungus-killing abilities.  Also essential oils are naturally varied because each batch is different depending on where and how they were grown, so the germs can't adapt to them like they can to the uniform synthetic antibacterial products.

I made a sleep spray with calming oils, a livening spray for uplifting and a roll on with jojoba and coconut oil for soothing sleep.  I also made 2 inhalers, one peppermint for nausea and and a bergamont for post-surgical depression.

Here is Rose Hip Seed Oil I got from Elizabeth Van Buren
http://www.elizabethvanburen.com/
because it is amazing for skin and scar healing.  I made a wound healing oil to put around my incision  made with Rose Hip Seed Oil and essential oils of True Lavender and Frankincense in my exciting violet glass bottle I got from Ananda Apothocary

Here's what their website says about this special glass:
http://www.anandaapothecary.com/bottles.html#
"Miron Glass of Switzerland had created bottles which essentially completely block all ultraviolet light rays from contacting your essential oils, carriers and blends, except a very specific frequency of violet light that scientific research has shown to enhance the natural therapeutic potential of plant materials and extracts (including essential oils). The bottles are very attractive as well -- high tech in every way!"

I'll bring them all in my little pouch so I can sniff and apply them while I'm in the hospital.

Nice timing

This week's horoscope looks perfect for my couple of weeks drugged recovery!
Sagittarius Horoscope for week of September 13, 2012 If I'm accurately interpreting the astrological omens, the coming months will be a soulful feast in which every day will bring you a shimmering revelation about the nature of your soul's code and how best to activate it. Reasons for grateful amazement will flow so freely that you may come to feel that miracles are routine and naturally-occurring phenomena. And get this: In your dreams, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty will get married, win the lottery, and devote their fortune to fostering your spiritual education until you are irrevocably enlightened. (I confess there's a slight chance I'm misinterpreting the signs, and everything I described will be true for only a week or so, not months.) http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/allsigns.html