Bennet meadow reenactment

Last month we went to a historical reenactment of the 1800's held in a field by the river in our town.  We had seen the canvas tents last spring and wondered what was happening.

This year we heard that people gather and reenact a time period, not a war or a particular event, just living; cooking, using and making tools, practicing with weapons and selling stuff.  Usually it's just them, but on a couple days they welcome visitors.  The girls and I went in the blazing heat and had a really amazing time.  People were in full costume, hanging out and chatting.  They were really welcoming as they went about their tasks and invited us to learn different things about what they were doing.


 http://originalnepr.homestead.com/

Folks in costume buying pants.  The outfits were pretty impressive.  I tried to be discrete.

Old fashioned marbles for sale.

Some of the tents near the shop.

The girls testing some weapons.

More tents and, beyond the trees, the Connecticut river.

It smelled like woodsmoke, some people were in teepees and dressed like Native Americans and some like trappers covered in fur.  It was quite an assortment of characters and I felt strangely drawn to it, thinking about it often in the days that followed.

JK Rowling

 Moving and marvelous commencement address by JK Rowling.  I highly recommend finding time to watch it; it's only about 20 minutes and it was great to see how funny and wise she is (of course!).


http://harvardmagazine.com/2008/06/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination

Ladyslipper

There were more than 50 of these rare native orchids blooming in the yard of my dream house down the road.  I couldn't get out of the car because it hurt too much so Rob got out and squatted down to get this photo.  He said, "Just another sign that someday we'll live here."  Made me cry.  I hope so.  Our house is feeling very small as the girls get older and scrap more.

Vanilla

Well, when you're trapped at home unable to drive or work because of searing back pain, at least you can put up some vanilla to steep.  It was a process, washing the bottles and letting them dry while I rested.  Cutting the beans and putting them in the bottles and then resting.  Finding the damn funnel and resting.  Pouring clear vodka into the bottles without spilling everywhere and then putting on the caps.  Triumph.  Time to lie down.  I'll go downstairs and get the labels tomorrow.

Back Pain. Uggh!!

OK, after spending all day in the car last week and maneuvering through hail storm after hail storm I woke up at 1am in horrible back pain. I had been suffering from back pain on and off all spring but now I couldn't lie down, I couldn't sit.  My butt and down my leg had a constant sharp burning buzzing pain.

I paced around downstairs in a pain of 7-8/10 muttering to myself, weeping and generally losing my mind.  I was frightened that I would feel the pain forever; that I would never be able to sleep.  It also felt creepy because it reminded me of last year when I was in terrible pain when my ear drum burst and I got septic and delirious as the night went on.  At 4 am I called my doctor who was sleepy and sympathetic to what she thought was probably a herniated disk.  She called me in some steroids and pain meds,  At 5am I woke Rob up and sent him half-asleep to CVS.  The meds finally kicked an hour or so later and the pain dropped to a 3-4/10 and I was able to lie down and sleep in a weird contorted position.  It really sucked. 

 Thank goodness my parents got me this nerdy picker-upper last year when my back was sore.  It has saved me from bending for or ignoring all the stuff that ends up on the floor.









Now I live downstairs on the futon (where I don't wake everyone up with squirming and pacing and getting meds then snacks at night).  I spend alot of time lying down on ice or the heating pad.  I haven't been to work for all week and I have numbness and weakness down my left leg.  I am on more pain meds than I have ever been on in my life and I stagger them through the day to make the pain bearable.  I'm going to PT and we are starting slow.  At this point I am hoping to get feeling and strength back in my leg so I don't have to do cortisone shots or talk about surgery.

Just before this happened I had decided the family would get some kayaks and spend time paddling over serene lakes and rivers.
That seems very far away, but I am trying to stay positive and imagine that someday I'll get to kayak down a peaceful river, pain-free with a strong and sturdy back.

Finally, sunshine!

The light shone so bright after days of clouds and rain. 

The garden is loving the rain and bits of sunshine. 

My William Baffin rose is out of control.  I'm going to try to get it to grow over the garage, but have to find a strong trellis.

Calendula like little suns.

Violas re-seeded from last year.  I've been trying to get that to happen forever.

My Oriental Poppy.  It glows!  Georgia picked the other one and some creature ate the other bud so I pleaded with Georgia to let this one alone.

The Rosa Rugosa is buzzing.

The Peony still dappled with rain and the Delphinium in bloom.  I have been craving a delphinium for so many years I finally just went and bought a big one that would bloom this year.  Amazing color.

Some progress

on de-cluttering the study.
Now that I know it is a process filled with grief and loss, I am less surprised by both my resistance and  then the emotions that accompany it.  Time to get rid of my care-worn and battered Dr Sears book.  I have been a mother for 10 years.  That shocks me.  I do not need this book anymore.  That shocks me, too.  How can baby time be over?  Over!?
Well it is, and holding onto the book won't change that and, really, I love my girls the ages they are and I love to sleep through the night so - carry on.

I had a helpful talk with my therapist, too, about how I totally wanted to transform the room into a pristine and empty space, clearing out everything.  She wondered if maybe I was feeling like I had to clear out myself and my life to be a healer, get rid of all the mess.  But really, I am myself and I don't have to be perfect or change myself completely to be a healer.  Hmmm that helped.

Also, once I informed her that I was going to go through  everything, the mix tapes, the cds, the books from college and half-done writing from India and so much more; she reassured me that I could save some stuff for later.  I didn't have to integrate everything at once.  Just enough to keep moving. 

I felt lighter after I got off the phone with her and later that week I cleared more than I had in months.