Azalea

Azalea had a seizure yesterday. First her back legs splayed out behind her and I went to lift her up; next thing I knew she was falling to her left side shaking big strong shakes with her teeth bared, drooling on the floor.

I held her there and called Rob in, as calmly as I could; so I wouldn't scare the kids, "Azalea is doing something...I need you" He came in his work clothes and helped me hold her. It was terrible. It felt like it went on forever, probably really like 3-4 minutes, but we were scared and saying goodbye, trying to be calm and loving, with our hands on her brown fur. She was making whimpery barky noises and she was so strong, her body was so strong and muscular.

Lily said, "I'm going upstairs." and went to sit on the landing where she could hear, but not see. Georgia tried to step in and around to Azalea's crocodile face, trying to talk to her, "You OK, Azalea?" We shooed her out.

It sounded like Azalea was having trouble breathing; I wondered if she would just stop breathing or suffer for hours before dying. I didn't know what to do. Lily's class play was in 30 minutes and I was lying on my dying dog in my bathrobe.

Then, the snorting and kicking suddenly stopped; her tongue was lolling out on the ground and she was panting panting to catch up. My head was on her shoulder and chest and I could hear her breathing; I tried to hear her heart through her thick fur, but I couldn't. Rob didn't think she could see, she was looking at him, dazed. Then she drew her legs in and went to stand up. I couldn't believe it! She tottered around for a bit and then went to lay in her bed!

When I called the vet office, the tech said, "This happens, just watch and see if it happens again. I know Azalea's 14 and your worried about her. It might never happen again or it could be the start of something."

Unbelievable. Today she's napping and wandering around like her usual self.

Snapper in the road

This is a Barry Moser illustration from Brer Rabbit of Brer Terrapin

This work is published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.

It reminded me of a story I wanted to tell. Last sunny Saturday we were driving down 5&10 in Northfield and saw a dinner-plate sized snapping turtle crossing the wide hot road. Rob stopped the car with the turtle in front of us and I hopped out. Rob was yelling, "It's a snapper! Don't touch it! I just saw something on Discovery; they have really long necks! Don't touch it!" I had no intention of touching it! I was going to soothe it along and be a chaperone. (As a labor and delivery nurse I always think that's what everyone needs.) But the turtle froze when I stepped out of the car. Cars were whizzing by in both directions. Rob was telling me to do something and I didn't know what to do. The girls were in the back of the car watching with worried interest. I realized that the turtle could still be smashed by some truck pulling up to pass us and they would have to watch it crack and ooze. Horrible. We were stuck.

I started to wave the traffic past us and the turtle just sat there, all of us watching it. Then from a small cross street came a most unlikely heroine. She was getting out of a big SUV with North Carolina plates. Young, 20's, plump and made up, with a tube top that she had to hike up by every few steps. She walked up behind the turtle in her jeweled flip flops.

I asked, incredulous, "Have you come to help?"

She nodded, hiked up the tube top and leaned over the turtle. "Yeah, we had to turn the car around. I'm so glad she didn't get hit. We used to raise turtles."

Her mother was standing on the side of the road, lots of gold jewelry and gold rimmed sunglasses. The young woman seemd so confident, I didn't know if I should tell her it was a snapper. She mumbled to me and to herself, "It's a water turtle so I can't pick her up or she'll bite me." Then she sort of touched the back of the shell of the grimy silent turtle and it started to walk at a nice clip , then it stopped and she touched it again, standing over it and hiking up her shirt again each time she had to take a step. I stood out in the road and stopped traffic, she scurried it along in it's goofy gait. A line of cars and trucks waited for only a minute and she was across, the turtle lumbering into the gully on the side of the road, to go lay eggs near the water, maybe. Once it was off the road her mother ran to catch up saying in a high sing song voice to the large moving rock that was the turtle, "Hey sweetie, there you go, it's so nice to see you." I realized she has held back because she knew turtles and knew she would have confused it. They waved a thank you to me. I said," Bless you for coming to save the day!" and got back in the car. I was flooded with sweet relief. The children were filled with questions about the mysterious turtle-whisperers. Really, what are the chances that a pair of dolled up turtle breeders will show up when you need them? I decided to believe in angels, people who show up at just the right time and love snappy slimy turtles and gently convince them to cross the road to safety.

Money Goddess

Think positively...
Money Coming Your Way..............

Money Goddess

A lovely forward of Lakshima the money goddess from Emily this morning. I got this from my friend Miranda last year and when I sent it out someone wrote back and said a relative paid off her credit card soon after! Fun. I sent it out again; here's hoping! In the subject line was (money goddess vs worry is a prayer for what you dread) which I liked, too.

Stop fighting the life I've got!

I
So, I have been feeling overwhelmed and that life is passing too quickly. I never feel like I get enough done and there is always something urgent on my to-do list. Just this weekend I had an epiphany! My life is perfect; my perception of it being imperfect is the problem.

Part of the spark for this change was re-reading a great article by Pam Houston in Oprah Magazine; Cupped Hands:

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200902_omag_true_love

I love the line:

The possibility of untethering happiness and sadness from circumstance felt frightening and wonderful, like a new brand of freedom.

Why do I allow silly things to decrease my happiness? Why would my house be clean? Or my list be done? Or my bank account flush? Why do I think that something that isn't true should be true? It's my own Byron Katie moment. Instead of waiting until things pull together to celebrate, I am going to celebrate now.
I have been chuckling at my ideas of how things should be. Why on earth would a working mother of two crazy kids have ample time to herself? Who am I kidding? Look at these marvelous children! Of course the house is messy. Anyway, I'm trying to stop fighting the life I have. Crazy, messy, broke and rushed, but at least we're having fun, are healthy and still have jobs. Right?

Lily turns 7!

Here is my brave amazing girl jumping off the diving board at her birthday party! I can't believe I have had her in my life for seven years. Lucky me! What a blessing she is.

Falling off the boat

Here are the beautiful hands of a sleeping resident at the nursing home where I worked for the past semester as an nursing student instructor. She is a lovely woman and she said I could take some photos of her; I felt guilty using ones of her face, though, because she is slightly demented so I wasn't sure about legal consent.
But she is really wonderful and pretty with-it for a ninety year old woman. I have enjoyed being with her these past six months.

Being in the nursing home has lifted a deep underlying fear of mine. I was scared of being incapable of caring for myself; destitute; alone. I didn't really have an awareness of this fear; I just felt a lightness when it was gone.
This nursing home is a regular place; not perfect at all, but the abiding and ruling feeling is one of love for the old, the crazy and the infirm. Residents have been stuck in bed or totally senile for decades and the people at these places take care of them, watch over them, sit with them and do their best to give them a safe and loving home. I now believe if you fall off the boat, if I fall off the boat of life, into terrible dreaded waters, that things will be OK. A net will rise to catch us, that people are out there who will love and care for us, as best they can; even if they don't get paid enough and they get no credit.

Cute things in pairs.