Becoming Crow Lady

Advice from the elderly

2012-01-26T06:11:00.000-05:00

in a New York Times article.
Here's a link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/10/health/elderly-experts-share-life-advice-in-cornell-project.html?_r=1

and here's a part that struck me:

"ON REGRETS “Always be honest” was the elders’ advice to avoid late-in-life remorse. Take advantage of opportunities and embrace new challenges. And travel more when you’re young rather than wait until the children are grown or you are retired.

As Dr. Pillemer summarized the elders’ view, “Travel is so rewarding that it should take precedence over other things younger people spend money on.” Create a bucket list now and start whittling it down.

ON HAPPINESS Almost to a person, the elders viewed happiness as a choice, not the result of how life treats you.

A 75-year-old man said, “You are not responsible for all the things that happen to you, but you are completely in control of your attitude and your reactions to them.” An 84-year-old said, “Adopt a policy of being joyful.”

I especially like the part about travel. I am gathering supplies for a new vision board and I am really excited to do more traveling. The girls are old enough to have fun and see the world! I just got a credit card that will accrue miles for travel. Here's to paying it off every month and gathering miles!

Sparkle makes a move

2012-01-24T09:33:00.000-05:00

for the watermelon in Grandma's trunk.

Culebra

2012-01-18T14:17:00.000-05:00

So, when I was sick last year in the hospital, my window looked out at a brick wall.
It was sleety and gray out, early March once I was out of the ICU and on the med surg floor, the one with the dreary view.

I was glad to be alive after the Strep A ear infection had gone into my brain, made me forget I had children and generally and completely kicked my ass. I lay there with yellow pus fluid draining out of my ruptured ear while vomiting and retching frequently from the antibiotics and infection as the days dragged by.
My children were not allowed to visit, too many freaky germs so children were not allowed on the unit.
My devoted family, who had constantly been at my bedside when I was dangerously sick, was gone for part of the day for well deserved showers and naps because I was going to be OK.

The left side of my face and head were swollen and sore from the effects of the enormous ear infection (a week later a puzzled Ear Nose and Throat doctor would sit back on his stool and stare at me, after looking in my ear with his light, reporting thoughtfully, "I don't even know what I'm looking at in there. There are no landmarks. I've never seen anything like it.")

My roommate was crazy, loud and incontinent of stool; demanding Coca Cola all night and then yelling that she couldn't sleep. Her TV was on day and night.

It was some serious suffering.

One day, laying there watching the sleet fall, I thought. "Next year at this time; if I am still here. I am going to an island."
It settled in.
Then I declared to myself, "I am going to an island next year."

I went home and slowly and totteringly got better. I had to give myself antibiotics and anti-nausea drugs through a mid-line IV in my arm for weeks to kill off any stray bacteria that might lurk in my bones and start proliferating again.

Here is a photo of me from that time with my medicines on my desk, my IV and hotpack at the IV site because it really hurt when the antibiotic would run. I was so weak, all I wanted to do was sleep.

Here's a link back to my postings about my illness if you missed the adventure and want to read up.

http://katsuzharris.blogspot.com/2011_03_01_archive.html

I got better; months went by.
I got to thank all the beautiful people in my life who prayed for and cared for me.
I got to feel the residual gift of feeling held and loved by the universe itself, allowing for a deeper feeling of trust in the process of this beautiful life.
We worked on paying off bills. (I was out of work for a month and now we had medical bills!)
I got stronger.
We recovered and slowly processed the experience.
My hearing slowly started to come back (really slowly after getting my eardrum punctured 2 more times to try to relieve pressure. uggh!)
My short term memory loss begrudgingly disappeared and I began to feel like myself again.
I stopped having really frequent medical appointments.
I stopped worrying about random pain possibly being residual bacteria hiding in my bones and spreading.

After many months I got a cat scan and was told by the doctor he was relieved to find that "there was no brain material protruding into my ear canal or any cracks in my skull to allow in further bacteria." Well, happy day, who knew that was something to worry about?!

The island pledge to myself has been with me all these months.

Shortly after getting out of the hospital last year, my friend who did not know about my island plan, mentioned wanting to go to Culebra, a quiet little island off Puerto Rico.
Then another dear friend surprised me by saying she went there on her honeymoon and told me I would love it.
Then I found out another friend has been there several times and really enjoyed it.

Culebra Culebra Culebra.

Rob was skeptical, and worried about the money, but I was persistent.
Very persistent.
I have to go.

So, just after these hectic holidays I focused on doing some research and finding a spot.
Tickets are crazy cheap (230 round trip no stops )

One cold 9 degree day Rob sent me an email:
"Book the tickets."
And I did!

We found a sweet spot to stay with a kitchen.
The girls are over the moon.
We're hoping to see dolphins, turtles and iguanas.

I'm so glad to be going.
I'm so glad to still be here.

It's time to celebrate with an adventure.

This photo of Naniqui Guest House & Rentals is courtesy of TripAdvisor

Yoga of Pleasure

2012-01-15T00:45:00.002-05:00

Pleasure Circle is a continuing part of the Pleasure Weekend I did with Jena LaFlamme in NYC in November.
http://www.pleasurableweightloss.com/

It involves a monthly phone call and an online community to help support the transformation to really treating your body well and learning to listen to her (your body, not Jenna, although it makes sense to listen to her, too)

Homework last month was to "learn to unite more powerfully with pleasure as a healing force, in your life and in your body, by developing your breath."
with a page full of helpful suggestions and some reading homework.

December was not an easy month to focus on my breath. I don't think I have ever been so busy!
My teaching job was intense, working on labor and delivery was crazy busy and I had to pull off Christmas and everything that entails. It felt like each day was packed and I was running.

I did try to breathe.
When I was hunched over wrapping I would try and sit up and take a big slow breath.
When I was helping a student give meds for the first time I tried to relax my shoulders and take a breath.
When I was surrounded by sweets at work during a quick break from caring for a woman in labor I tried to sit and breathe.
When I was on the computer doing work or ordering things or worrying about money I would stop and breathe.

The last week before Christmas I talked with a friend at work who had 10 thirty gallon trash bags full of gifts for her children and family still left to wrap. She was predicting that she'd have to pull an all-nighter. I groaned in empathy but she smiled and said, "I know it's crazy, but it's so fun!" I thought she was insane but then it hit me. It is fun! I do love to make magic for my kids and family. It's fun. I had completely forgotten! That conversation helped bring me over the finish line and really enjoy the holiday.

But I was drained.
Ready to just sit still for a while.
Couldn't look at my list for a while.
Couldn't do homework.

Throughout the busy month I did listen to the new book by Geneen Roth Lost and Found about losing all her money in the Madoff scandal. I really enjoy her stuff and her clear writing about private issues like food and money. In this book she writes:

"During my years of dieting and binging, I saw my body as a thing I could throw around, an empty trash can I could stuff with whatever my mind wanted to eat. As if what I ate and the body that received it were not related. But then I started to understand that eating was not about being fat or thin; it was a physical means, a path, to being more-or less- alive. I could use food to feel energetic, or I could use it to feel dead. I could jack myself up on a sugar high for half and hour and drag myself around for the rest of the day, or I could eat something that would actually give me energy instead of taking it away. It depended on whether and how much I valued feeling as alive as possible." p. 42 Lost and Found

http://www.amazon.com/Lost-Found-Unexpected-Revelations-About/dp/0670022713

That quote articulates my recent realization beautifully. Why would I eat food that makes me feel like crap? Why not eat food that lets me be present and energetic? I suppose I've asked that question for a while but something has shifted, so right now I really get it.
Food and eating are about nourishing me.
Huh.
So obvious, but feels like a big change that takes away alot of the banter and resistance in my head. The focused group energy of my Pleasure Camp weekend might have loosened old mental brick walls while we were dancing and eating chocolate blindfolded!

I also listened to a lecture by Jena that inspired me. You can listen to a similar one here:
http://www.love3point0.com/ricdownloads/ (scroll 1/3 of the way down the page and click the replay or download.)

Jena talks about the conversation years ago with her teacher in which he told her that her body was an animal and a "she" and how it shifted things for her. (My transcription here might not be exact.)

"By calling the body a "she" I realized that the body is a living, decision making animal, an intelligent creature that has alot of savvy and intelligence...Animals in nature know how to eat. If my body is an animal...I'm a mammal, I did know this. Something clicked, then my body, too must know what to eat, if given a chance.

So from there, the distinction for me was, my body was not something I owned and possessed, that I had the right to starve her, binge and overeat, eat the worst thing, like,

"Eeh whatever-it's my body. I can handle it. It's mine I can do whatever I want with it."

He pointed out "Uh uh. She's not yours to abuse. She doesn't belong to you.
She belongs to life.
She belongs to the planet and you are her guardian.
You have the responsibility and privilege to care for her in this lifetime.

And with that new frame, everything shifted.

I began to listen to her and that's what I ask you to do.."

Wow.
That really struck me.

"She belongs to life."

I do feel that since my illness and recovery last year I have felt more reverence for my body. When I was gravely ill, my sister sat at my bedside, gently petting my leg or my arm saying over and over in a soothing voice, almost a chant, "Your sweet body is working so hard. It is so strong. You are so strong."

My body is working to keep me alive on this planet.
What a privilege to care for it.
Why not let it enjoy the beautiful world around us?

Snow changes everything!

2012-01-14T18:17:00.002-05:00

The terrain is so clear and bright now. I was ready for a layer of snow.

Snowy Walk

2012-01-13T18:23:00.001-05:00

Friday was a half-day for the girls.
I had big plans to get out in the snow and we actually did it.
Usually my half-day plans putter out because I plan too much and then the sun goes down, we put in the chickens, eat dinner, clean up and then we have to get ready for bed!. But everyone (including me, really) was totally willing to forget that I was going to go to the dump and buy milk so that is what got missed this week.

Big flakes of snow were falling.
The dog was tearing around the shallow bowls of hills and valleys that make up the nearby golf course.
We did some sledding, made snow animals and threw snow balls.

It's about time!

Cookie looked very pleased to be out running free. I have to bring a little container of treats for her, today it was leftover pulled pork, which she really likes.

Tinariwen - TENERE TAQQIM TOSSAM

2012-01-10T16:55:00.000-05:00

For the last few weeks Rob has had this youtube video on repeat at home almost all the time. We all like it! No one is sick of it! It is so beautiful! And the video! The colors are so brilliant and the details of the lit up tents, the windy desert and the men dancing in bright scarves are so satisfying maybe we'll just have it on repeat forever!

(I had no idea I could post a youtube video! Look out!)

Bubble making!

2012-01-09T18:26:00.001-05:00

My sister and mother came out on Sunday to hang with the girls and do art projects.
Georgia blew a plastic bubble from a kit that EJ had given her for Christmas. She tried forever. long after we had each tried a few tricks with no success. We all gave up, but she was persistent and suddenly there was a huge clear bubble!!

Chain letter guilt and fear

2012-01-05T12:26:00.006-05:00

Chain letter guilt and fear are very real. I've passed on a few things just because I was in a panic to get it over with and out of my inbox. I did feel some regret, but see what can happen?. (I loved this image from justcapshunz.com)

Gingerbread houses

2012-01-02T18:27:00.000-05:00

We went down to our neighbor's house for the annual gingerbread-house-decorating-party today. Georgia got her hands on the pugs and there was alot of candy.
We do it after Christmas now, because before the holidays is too busy.
It's also nice to have an activity for after Christmas day, which can always be a desolate candyless time for children.

Happy New Year!!

2012-01-01T12:31:00.001-05:00

We lit sparklers out in the misty night (long before midnight.)

Even an illegal firework!

I got out of work a bit early and made it in time for the festivities. We took a nighttime walk with friends to celebrate a new year.

A lit up tree seems to wobble in the dark.

I love the bright light in the dark black night!

May you have a fantastic new year filled with health, happiness and love!!

New Year hopes

2011-12-27T20:51:00.013-05:00

I get alot of emails from new age and transformational teachers and many of them are very excited about this new year and the potential for huge positive shifts in individual lives but also in the future of the
planet.

Several of them asked for declarations about their reader's new year hopes and resolutions so I wrote mine out and picked a Goddess Oracle card.

Here's to a magical 2012!!

Kris Waldherr, the artist who makes these cards said I could put them on my blog as long as I included this link to her facebook page:http://www.facebook.com/l/;KrisWaldherr.com .)

"I want to be happy present and whole. I want to have time to be quiet and take care of myself, napping, eating great food, dancing in my living room, taking walks with my dog and breathing in the fresh air. I want to sleep outside and look at the stars. I want to be playful and present with my husband and children. I want to travel with them and drink in the world around us without rushing from one thing to another, always worried about money and time! I want to help heal people and the world. I want to feel safe shining in all of my brightness (letting go of the fear that my light set free will make others feel smaller or sad and instead believe it will boost their life into brightness!) I want to be free to follow my intuition and create a career in energy healing this year that will create amazing health shifts for people and create financial success for me. I want to eat, move and breathe in a way that supports and sustains me. I want to build a healing cabin in the woods where I can help people feel and create big transformative magic in their lives and in this world. I am ready, world. Bring it on!"

Oooh and I got a nice email back from a lovely woman who has a great gluten free handout and website that I met at Pleasure Camp

Hey Katherine,

Happy New Year! Thank you for your email and sharing what’s in store for you this year, I can feel that your 2012 is going to be an amazing year of wholeness, presence, transformation and healing, how wonderful! I look forward to following along on your blog!

Wishing you the best of everything, this year and beyond!

With Love and Support To Your Gluten-Free & Gorgeous Life,

Danyelle

Danyelle Demchock, BA, NASM, CHEK Practitioner, HCL 2, FDN, CMTA

Certified Holistic Nutrition And Lifestyle Coach

Get My FREE Special Report:

How To Avoid The Top 10 Mistakes That People Make When Going Gluten Free!

http://www.glutenfreeandgorgeous.com

Christmas Morning!

2011-12-25T22:49:00.001-05:00

I didn't have to work or be on-call for the holiday for the first time since Lily was born. It was so nice to laze about and not feel rushed. My family came and we had a nice time opening presents and eating in the crowded house.

A purple drum set, a stuffed animal tea party
finally a dog bed (We hadn't trusted she wouldn't eat it, but Santa apparently had more faith in Miss Cookie and you can see that Santa was right. That is a dog who wanted a bed by the fire!)

Thank goodness the snow cone maker arrived on Santa's sleigh. Georgia's mouth was numb and purple from her multiple snow cones.
Lily made a little nativity scene out of critters.

Georgia eating the ribbon candy I was talking about! My sister brought some for the girls. It is still lovely and still not that tasty (to me, Georgia was sold on it.)

The trampoline goes up!

Getting too dark to put up the enclosure, hopefully we'll do it sometime soon.

Someone is tired of photos.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T12:29:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T16:17:00.007-05:00

We all had Christmas Eve off together. We took a walk that lasted much longer than we had planned (the bridge Rob led us to was surrounded by cold mucky marsh) so we had to turn back, hungry and tired. But it was nice to be out in the chilly sun and I was thrilled not to be wrapping presents, which is how I usually spend the day, but I had done a few late-night wrapping episodes and I was free to enjoy the holiday, which was very novel for me.

The fungus above reminds me of ribbon candy our grandmother used to give us on Christmas. It didn't taste very good but it was beautiful. (The candy of my memory; I did not eat the fungus)

It seems that the beavers are back, chewing the trees so they look like enormous sharpened pencils.

Lily in the setting sun, still smiling on our way home.

Happy Solstice!!

2011-12-22T13:04:00.004-05:00

The shortest day.
I can't believe it, it's been so mild and already the year is turning back to light.
Happy Winter!

I took Cookie for a long daytime walk which I haven't done for a bit because life has been so busy.

I was trying to get a clip of the lovely sound of the stream running, but instead Cookie was bounding over the water and shooting through the woods in an adorable way so I captured that instead. Enjoy!

Georgia's pleas

2011-12-22T13:03:00.005-05:00

A friend of Georgia's got an early visit from Santa clause and talked about it at school. Apparently he came, left some reindeer hoof prints and a curling iron, so the girl suddenly had glorious curls.
This killed Georgia.
She was furious that someone got special treatment and wanted Santa to come to her house early, too.

She left out this note each bedtime and then scoured the house looking for her slushie maker.

(What? Why the hell does she need a last minute slushie maker? And why would someone have Santa come early and torture the other children around them? I ask you? Is there not enough going on?)

Santa did not come to our house early.

Hopefully a slushie maker is coming on Santa's sleigh. I went to the office at their school to sign in and both the secretary and the nurse separately told me they really hoped Santa was bringing Georgia a slushie maker.
This surprised me and let me know my child is quite vocal at school.

They told me they had asked Georgia's teacher's aide if maybe they should give me a call so I knew how much she wanted one and he replied "I'm sure she knows." He was right, but I was very touched that they both knew what she wanted and thought I should know. Sweet!

Christmas carols in the neighborhood

2011-12-21T21:43:00.001-05:00

It was raining and I was ready to bail on our plans to carol up the street, but my friends were willing, the kids were ready, so out we went.
The rain held off for us and we spread holiday cheer. Some recipients had been prepared for our coming, but some we surprised.
The candles blew out and we didn't know the songs quite as well as we thought we did, but it was really fun.
We'll do it again next year!

Walk to clear the head

2011-12-19T21:46:00.001-05:00

after the hot busy frenzy of Georgia's birthday party.

Lily's new leopard coat actually camouflaged her down by the river!
Cookie was thrilled to be out. (Poor thing, we had to leave her in her crate in the car because I didn't want her jumping up on children and stealing all the food.)

Someone leaves all these stone cairns along the mushroom walk. I love the surprising shapes of the odd towers among the trees. I think I know who does it but I don't want to ask him. I enjoy it being a mystery.

Rob throwing logs and breaking things on the walk as he likes to do. (He's actually clearing the branches so he can get his bike over the tree.)

We came home and cleaned up.
Georgia was sad her Grandparent's gift to her had not arrived on Saturday like it was supposed to (and like the online tracking said it would!)
It was Sunday, but amazingly the post office truck pulled into our driveway and handed the hopping-up-and-down-Lily a package for Georgia. Hooray! Her Bitty baby had arrived! She was happy and spent the rest of the evening playing with her new toys, while we parents cleaned up and got ready for Monday.

Georgia's 6th Birthday Party!

2011-12-19T17:52:00.000-05:00

Big sister Lily was a big help, although she was a reptile with a red tongue for a bit.

Decorating gingerbread cookies with her friends.

Lily turned out to be a wonder with frosting.
She made that exquisite elephant and decorated Georgia's very popular cupcake cake. (I made a chocolate whipped cream frosted cake that looked like a sloping and strange mushroom cupcake that no one ate!)

The finished product.
I am still not eating sugar or gluten so it feels weird to be offering all these foods to people (children!) that make me feel like such crap. But Georgia wanted cookies and cakes and that's just fine.
Blowing out the candles!

And opening presents.

She had a good time, although she was mopey when it was done. She has been waiting forever for her birthday. She's got some nice friends in kindergarten and really seems to be settling in to school and enjoying it. Thank goodness, no more sitting outside the pricipal's office for calling someone an "Idiot shit face!" Oh I didn't mention that? It was a difficult transition for a while, but she's finally got her groove.

To Cambridge for the Christmas Revels

2011-12-18T10:29:00.002-05:00

We went by the Peabody museum of Natural History again this year.
Georgia was transfixed by these eggs.
She really has a deep connection to eggs. She yearns for them, to sit on them to take care of them.
She was curious who was tending to these.
We had to convince her that they were empty before she would walk away.

We couldn't walk through Harvard Yard because there were police guards all around preventing the Occupy folks from coming in and setting up their tents. You can see a few students had settled in and the administration were preventing any more. I tried to explain the situation to the girls and explain the Occupy movement, but I kept getting choked up when I tried to explain it, which puzzled them and surprised me.

Sanders Theater, with a food truck for the occupy crowd. My mother got a grilled cheese sandwich and said it was great.

Lily said, "Look there's Athena!" and I felt proud she know her Greek Goddesses.

The set was magnificent!
The lights delight me!

Georgia was nervous because last year ghosts roamed up and down the aisles. She sat on my mom's lap and worried (appropriately!) about the creepy beautiful skeleton that danced around the edges of the stage throughout the performance.

Dancing at intermission in the lobby! The horns were blasting from the balcony as we all song Lord of the Dance.

My sister and Lily applauding. It was a marvelous show, well worth the drive there and back (sometimes I wonder as I am packing them up in the car to go on these adventures..)

Fishing for starlight.
Suddenly all around us in the balcony there were singers holding stars.
Breathtaking! I started when I looked beside me and there was a woman in costume holding a light. She had moved in so quietly, I hadn't known she was there. I elbowed Lily on my left who jumped when she looked over, then she nudged my sister who also was surprised.

Then the woman began to sing gloriously!
It felt like such a blessing to be sitting there as all this magic was happening around us. It felt like how I imagine the angels that surround and support us, so powerful and full of light, so close and ready to sing, but usually we don't know they are there, just waiting for us to ask them for their help.

Here is a quick clip of the magnificent singing!

The chandelier, the stained glass, the reddish glowing wood!

The crowd at the end of the night.

Georgia turns six!

2011-12-16T22:57:00.003-05:00

"Finally!!" She says

I went into labor with her 6 years ago today. It was pouring rain over layers of hardened ice, I had a baby shower scheduled, but instead I started to contract. I paged the office and Susan Liddell called me back and said, "Looks like we're going to do this again, Katherine. Why don't you come in." It was quite an adventure, Georgia's birth. One I will tell sometime when I am not so tired. But when I looked down at my belly in the bath that Lily and I were taking while we waited for Rob to get home from work, I thought, "That looks like a sideways-baby-belly." and it was. Rascal had turned last minute and was not even head down!

Mary, Jesus and a Lamb

2011-12-15T10:35:00.002-05:00

I was looking for an image to inspire me in the midst of the holiday chaos that was about to take me down.
Although I am not Christian, I am inspired by Mother Mary and Jesus. I love the paintings and the images the mother and son together.
My friend has some pet donkeys and we were talking about them someday starring in nativity plays which brought us to the story of Christmas: the stable, the sweet warm breath of the animals and the baby Jesus wrapped and put in a manger, which is a roughly carved wooden food trough for animals. A miracle in a very grounded setting.

In my work I see so many new mothers swaddling and holding their new babies with such love and awe. It is a momentous transformation, becoming a mother. I love that part of the Christmas story that sanctifies new motherhood and blesses the family as they are surrounded by the quietly breathing animals.

The Cherry Tree carol is one of my very favorite holiday songs and I sang it to the girls when I was pregnant and as a lullaby when they were young. Here's Joan Baez singing it on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYaFGSG_x80&feature=related

Lovely

Lily's first clarinet concert

2011-12-14T21:57:00.004-05:00

with beginner band was actually quite stirring. They did a beautiful job and all took the performance very seriously.

Here's Lily with her band instructor who held them all together with a perfect balance of cheerful and strict. It was delightful!

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-13T21:56:00.000-05:00

New chickens in the mix

2011-12-12T21:55:00.001-05:00

So, the girl's lovely art teacher has quite a few chickens and she heard we only had two. She didn't think ours would fare well through the winter (They need more bodies to generate heat on these cold nights.) so she offered us two of hers.

I asked the family if maybe, instead, we would want to give our two chickens to her or to another loving home where we could visit them.

Georgia pondered the question. She loves the chickens very very much, but she is burdened by the fear of losing them. Now, wherever we are, at dusk she begins to fret about putting the chickens in their coop, so they don't get eaten.

Even when we were at my parent's last weekend and had a reliable chicken babysitter, Georgia worried when the sun fell. My sister let her call the home answering machine (where no one was) and leave a couple messages. I listened to them from my class and they were heart rending, "Hi Papa, Umm how are you? Uhhh. Are the chickens in? It's getting dark out and I'm worried. Will you call me?" in her little voice over and over on the machine.

There is a jolt of terror that goes through you, as a chicken owner, every night; even after you tuck them into their cozy coop. "Did I forget?? Did we put them away??"
Usually we say it out loud and then someone else gets a panicked look and then we all remind each other that they are in and they should be fine. It is stressful to be responsible for such sweet gentle creatures that will get devoured and carried away, squawking, in the teeth of a death if you forget yourself in some menial task.

When I proposed my idea of handing off the chickens to a bigger group of hens to Rob, he was completely appalled and looked at me with horror and distrust. He thought I must be kidding. "Never! I love those chickens! I really love them. Are you crazy?!" He looked at me like I was a stranger. And Lily was equally shocked by the proposal.

So off we went to pick up some new chickens to plump up our flock.

Janice had three waiting for us. They were unnamed, so the girls are going to call them Mango, Cinnamon and Ginger.

These are not them, I just loved this photo with the door handle and the sunlit coop.

Here is Cinnamon.

They are much more flighty and wild than our chickens, who seem like plump and docile ladies compared the these new wiry suspicious girls.

Lily called me crying at work their first night to say that the new birds had attacked our unsuspecting hens and there had been a fray. It was bad.

"No one died." she sobbed into the phone. Our chickens looked fine the next morning, but Rob and the girls were traumatized to have seen their dear chickens get mauled and pecked by these newcomers. I think the new girls were just trying to be at the top of the pecking order. Now we are letting them sleep together but having them in separate fenced in areas during the day. There has not been another fight. Over time we will slowly let them acclimate to each other.

We'll see what happens.

But I can't even see the gingerbread cookie!

2011-12-10T21:44:00.001-05:00

Making cookies at Mim's after a day enjoying wintertime celebrations in Northfield!

I handed off the kids to Rob and went to work so I missed the fallout from the candy ingestion.

Home sick with Georgia

2011-12-09T10:58:00.007-05:00

We felt a bit better from our stomach bug in the afternoon so we took a walk with the Cookster (who is much more pleasant to be cooped up with after she's had a walk.)

Georgia looked pale but she was cheerful and interested in the frozen mushrooms.

I tried to enjoy my day with her instead of grumping about losing my only day before x-mas to shop in Hadley without the kids. I was even going to meet Rob for lunch at a nice cafe.
Oh well.

It's cold out!

Frost grows like little silver hairs on the Virginia Creeper.

A dusting of snow

2011-12-08T14:24:00.004-05:00

The sun is so bright, but it's cold.
I'm home sick from work with a stomach bug and I just had to go pick up Georgia after she threw up at school.

My Dad is still in the hospital in Boston. Turned out he had "malevolent" beats during his second stress test, so they put in a defibrillator in his chest yesterday.

If he gets shocked, he is supposed to go right to the ER.

I wonder what it feels like?
They told him, "You'll know when it happens."

Today when I dragged myself out of the house to bring Cookie for a walk I was feeling nauseous and overwhelmed, then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I could have just got diagnosed with breast cancer and be fitting in appointments and trying on wigs."
It's good to be here, to have a reprieve from our mortality, even with a stomach bug or a buzzer in our chest, shocking the heart back into rhythm.

Now it's time for the neglected house....

2011-12-05T12:25:00.011-05:00

So messy, I don't know where to start.
Oh how helpful. My husband has left me a note.
Makes me want to blog.

Here is my basket of essential oils I have collected over the years.
The teacher of my class, Kathy Duffy, did not have nice things to say about essential oils you buy in a health food store. She only gets her oils (and our class oils) from suppliers that she knows personally and from whom she gets amazing oils year after year. When I asked, "What about all my essential oils at home?" Kathy replied, "You could use them in potpourri for gifts." Hmmmm. A sad downgrade for my previously precious oils.

She recommends keeping our new oils in the fridge to keep them from oxidizing and spoiling.

They do smell spectacular.
I'm excited to make magic with them.
I put a drop of the Red Mandarin on a pillow for Lily when I got home at 9pm and she was still awake with a vomit bucket in her hand. She mumbled, "That smells good." (It is mandarin orange peel from Italy great for anxiety, insomnia and nausea especially mild for children and elderly) and instantly fell asleep.

Aromatherapy Class in Boston

2011-12-05T10:05:00.007-05:00

I spent the weekend at Boston Medical Center learning about aromatherapy in the clinical setting. I am doing a 18 month program to become certified as an aromatherapist under my nursing license so I can use it at work and in my own practice.

I have been really looking forward to this weekend. I signed up months ago and justified the cost and time away because it is my birthday on Sunday and this will be a great birthday present! Work is paying for part of it and my mother and sister are watching Georgia and Cookie. Lily is staying at a friends and Rob is off on a bike weekend. My Dad is still in the hospital where they are watching how he responds to meds after his cardiac catheterization last week. It has been a long stressful week with him in there, but I could finally visit him, which was nice.

It was difficult to have every member of the family somewhere different. It made me anxious, but it worked out and we all made it home by Sunday night (except my Dad who gets a stress test on Monday and we'll see what happens from there.)

It is a lovely group of women, which is good because we'll all be working together for the 18 months. It is a strenuous program, the equivalent of a college level course with case studies and a research study and exam required for graduation, but I really enjoyed the lectures and the oils! The oils were so much fun. Part of the cost of the class is a little box of exquisite oils that we got to smell and spray and massage as we learned the scientific and medicinal history. Soon we'll learn the chemical components and how they work to do the amazing healing things they do!

Hospital craft fair (last one of the season!)

2011-12-02T21:53:00.000-05:00

I had fun at the craft fair today. Last year I was so nervous because it was my first time displaying my Crow Lady herbal products and coming out as a witchy herbalist at work. But everyone was wonderful and really supportive. This year I felt rushed in pulling everything together, but once I go there I had a splendid time talking with people and selling my wares.

Last week when I made so little money at the craft fair I felt disappointed, but then realized something in talking to my mother and others (not Rob who is quite sick of bottles all over the couch and me taking over the kitchen counter with my sterile field.) I realized that I am making these products because I want to. Because I cannot pass a field of St johnswort blooming in the summer without a deep urge to stuff in in jars and pour oil all over it. I need to make flower essences in the light of the moon then drop them into homemade rose glycerin tincture, pouring that pink potion into pretty blue bottles. I want to make these potions and I want to share them with people. That is why I am doing this whole herbal business.

Knowing that took alot of the pressure off today so I just had fun talking with people and explaining my vanilla, tinctures and massage oil.

I ended up doing pretty well!
I sold enough to pay for most of the ingredients I had bought throughout the year, that really add up, so that was quite a success.

I brought the leftovers to Art and Soul a sweet gift shop in town.
http://www.artandsoulnorthfield.com/

where she was having a party so it felt like a festive place to leave my products and then pack up and head out of town for the weekend.

Sewing sewing

2011-12-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

Holiday season and hospital craft fair tomorrow so I am sewing my therapy pillows with organic golden flax seed. I do really enjoy the fabric and the cool slippery seeds. I love the smell of sweet smelling lavender and chamomile, which I add to some of the bags, and I feel proud of the solid satisying pillows at the end of the process. But. I am very tired of having stuff everywhere and spending all of my free time bottling and sewing. (And so is the family!)

Lights are up.

2011-11-29T21:49:00.007-05:00

I was a bit hysterical this morning after my inconclusive-mammogram-phone-message yesterday. I called my doctor office first thing and got a follow-up mammogram appointment at 2pm and a promise I would leave with clarity (meaning a radiologist would read the films while I was still in the office.)

After some more breast-squishing and emailing films off to the radiologist, the lovely tech came back to tell me that the worrisome thing they saw were tiny benign calcifications, the size of grains of sugar. I will need a follow up in 6 months to see what they're doing. She told me I shouldn't worry and that I also shouldn't look it up online unless I wanted to freak myself out.

My dad's surgery went OK. he's staying overnight at Mass General. They put a stent in his heart where he had some blockages.

Jewel the rat died today. Georgia came home with a playdate and went to play with the rat. She yelled, "Mama, I think Jewel is dead!" Terrible. We wrapped her up in some soft fabric and talked about death and what might be in rat heaven. They thought: cheese, Jewel's sister Cakey, and nice places to curl up. I hope so. She was old for a rat. Always sweet with us, although she'd snap at Cookie through the bars of her cage when Cookie would come sniffing. Miss Jewel was quite a fixture. We will miss her.

But I think we're done with pet rats for a while. They are so sweet, funny and smart, but they die too quickly. I think Jewel had a stroke this last month and she was dragging her back foot around the cage. Uggh. We'd been feeding her very well since she got sick last month. She got her own little Thanksgiving dinner, complete with pie and whipped cream.

After we lit some candles for Jewel we put up the tree and listened to the Muppet Christmas Carols.

I got one of my migraines that don't hurt; I just can't see things in the center of my vision and there is a wobbly iridescent line in my peripheral vision.

What a weird day.

I got this email today

2011-11-28T23:06:00.002-05:00

Detours, challenges, and crisis, Katherine, are simply covers for miracles that had no other way of reaching you.

It's all good,
The Universe

(Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®)

It was perfect because

I had my first Mammogram ever last week. Tonight I got a message that they need me to come in so they can get more images of my breasts.

Feeling sort of queasy.

And, quite suddenly, my Dad needs a cardiac catheterization tomorrow.
He likes my mother to call it a "procedure" not "surgery"

Wish us luck!

Skip the beginning

2011-11-26T00:17:00.000-05:00

From Free Will Astrology this week for my fellow Sagittarians!
http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/

"It is a tremendous act of violence to begin anything," said Sagittarian poet Rainer Maria Rilke. "I am not able to begin. I simply skip what should be the beginning." I urge you to consider trying that approach yourself, Sagittarius. Instead of worrying about how to launch your rebirth, maybe you should just dive into the middle of the new life you want for yourself. Avoid stewing interminably in the frustrating mysteries of the primal chaos so you can leap into the fun in full swing.

I have been wondering how to start my new career being an energy healer. Hmmm, maybe I should just jump in? What would that look like?

Georgia felt like decorating

2011-11-24T14:04:00.001-05:00

a doorknob.

Craft Fair with Lily

2011-11-20T10:40:00.013-05:00

Lily sold her friendship bracelets, she ended up making as much money as me, filling custom orders until the end.

My massage oils (with Lily running in a blur behind them. It was harder for her to sit still than I thought it would be. She made alot of friends!)

Photos of the plants used to make some of the products.

Therapy pillows with flax seeds.

My magical cash box. The smell of lavender oil wafted out whenever I opened it.

My Lily making bracelets. It was such an encouraging loving crowd. The older women commissioned bracelets and called her a budding entrepreneur and a textile artist. She loved it. At one point I looked around and every woman in sight who was selling her wares was also wearing one of Lily's bracelets. It made me weepy, to have her help so tenderly with such support in a group of women I hardly knew.

Here her hands are moving in a blur as she fills her orders.

Craft Fair prep

2011-11-18T11:10:00.001-05:00

Pouring off the St Johnswort oil

I have been harried since I got back from new York. I have a craft fair this weekend and I have so much to do to prepare.

Once I started doing the actual work with the oils and potions I loved it. My animal loves it. The oils and the smells and the way the plants have colored the oil thrills me.

Here's the red of the St Johnswort oil

The green of the Balsam oil

The gorgeous block of beeswax melting makes the room smell like honey.

St Johnswort salve, really potent for healing skin and relieving pain. They look like little desserts to me.

The Comfrey Root oil I used in my other batch of salves. It was thick like honey.

A tower of oils on my Reiki grid.
I charged everything on the grid and used the Seed Mantras I learned at pleasure camp to fill them all with healing power and grace.

Miss Sparkle is molting

2011-11-17T09:31:00.004-05:00

She really looks terrible. We thought something had mangled her. It happened very suddenly. Thankfully the feathers are growing back and they are lovely as they poke out, like firm little colorful beads emerging from her pink skin.

Lily won't pick her up.
Poor Sparkle.
Rob put extra bedding to keep her warm in the coop.

Hopefully she'll be back to her full glory soon.

Odd things happen

2011-11-17T09:06:00.005-05:00

in my job teaching nursing school.

Got this card when I got home

2011-11-16T05:05:00.005-05:00

Kris Waldherr, the artist who makes these cards said I could put them on my blog as long as I included this link to her facebook page:http://www.facebook.com/l/;KrisWaldherr.com . )

OK, I get the point. Time to take care of myself. I was so reverent with my health and body after my illness this spring, but the busyness of life did take over and I have been less vigilant of my own health. Pleasure Camp was a big wake-up call.

Home!

2011-11-14T09:29:00.001-05:00

I really missed this crazy bunch!
Here we are waiting for the bus Monday morning.

Ooh, one of the things that happen when a mother takes some time off. (Rob pointed out that these were not too happy in the week before I left) Picking them up was truly disgusting, they were oozing rotten pumpkin slime.

Heading home

2011-11-13T22:50:00.000-05:00

I had an amazing time, but I was ready to head home.

The girls would have loved this fish tank in a fancy hotel.

On my way out of New York City, loved the colors and the 888 is another lucky number for abundance! I'll take it. I felt very full of love and awareness of the beauty of my life after the weekend.
Thanks for Pleasure Camp, Jenna!

The lights were so beautiful on the way out.
I wanted to get photos of the strings of lights that were the bridges, but I also didn't want to crash.
So I put my camera down and drove home.

Off to NYC

2011-11-13T21:08:00.008-05:00

I ended up taking a wrong turn as I drove into New York and thank goodness for my little buddy's GPS system (and thank god I paid a tiny bit of attention when Rob showed me how to use it.) I was sort of cavalier about the whole driving thing. I didn't think I'd get lost. But I would have been doomed or at least very very late if I did not have that nifty little thing. Holy crap. New York City is big and there are many many roads.

I met up with dear friend Miranda in her cozy studio apartment in Brooklyn with its high ceilings and such a light open feel I just wanted to just snuggle down there, but I was there for a pleasure camp adventure, so I dropped my things and off I went to the subway.

Off the subway, up the stairs and my first corner I saw this! The Empire State Building!
It felt so exciting to be in New York City wandering around alone at night.
I used to travel when I was a younger childless woman and I miss that feeling of floating along, watching the world around you and seeing where you end up. Ahhhh.

Pleasure Camp turned out to be a weekend of bonding, sharing, dancing, singing with 30 wonderful women and generally getting in touch with our neglected inner animal.

This song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1YGjxFN1mQ

One Love by Sarah Tavares was our theme song and we danced to it alot. We used it as a love song to our own bodies. "I love you. I can't live without you. I know you can understand me. I need you." It was a sweet and dramatic shift to focus on feeling pleasure in the bodies we actually have, not feeling frustrated and annoyed by the needy body that keeps demanding sleep and food when neither is convenient (or at least that's how I often feel. "Really! You need to eat again. Cripes! Didn't we just do this!?")

Jenna LaFlamme http://www.pleasurableweightloss.com/ the founder of Pleasure camp has 5 presuppositions
1. Your body is a living breathing, feeling, decision-making animal.
2. Weight gain is your bodies cry for attention.
3. Pleasure is a trustworthy, intelligent guiding force.
4. Weight loss emerges naturally when the right conditions are in place.
5. Until sexy is safe you'll never lose weight.

These are each mind bending on their own and together they create an enormous and delicious shift in perception.

She asked us to imagine that our body and mind were like horse and rider. Many of our horses had been neglected and abused. So, instead we talked about cultivating a respectful dialogue between mind and body, asking the body what it needs.

"What do you want?"
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"What do you want to eat?"

And make it a team decision between body and mind.

I thought often of the Mary Oliver poem Wild Geese and that line:
"You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves"

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the

rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

© Mary Oliver

We talked about embodying the divine feminine and celebratin g life, love, sex and food. Being present for everything. We got gift bags with bright ostrich feathers, books galore and blindfolds. We took turns with partners. One would have a blindfold on and the other would take her time stimulating all the senses other than sight. Feathers, chocolate, raspberries, essential oils, blueberries and banana. It was intense, but there was alot of laughter.

We had homework.

The first night it was to find the full moon and stand in her lig ht for a bit, even there in the big city, we found nature and its womanliness shining right up there in the sky.

I called home to say hello and then I made it to Miranda's on the subway, my pink ostrich feather sticking out of my bag, fluttering in the rhythm of the train. I loved the subway alone, just sitting there with nothing to do but look around and breathe. I did some of my emotrance homework that I have been having a hard time finding time to get done. When can I just sit there at home or at work and just focus on how energy feels moving through my body? The subway was the perfect place.

Slept well and woke up to my water glass mysteriously pink. I was half asleep and was quite mystified, but when I sat up it was my feather reflecting in my gla ss.

An intense fun filled day followed.

Lectures, practical advice, dancing and more homework.
This time at lunch here is some of the assignment:

"When you eat, make sure you are sitting down and then br eathe three times before you begin eating. Continue to breathe mindfully as you are eating--breathing through your nose and expanding your belly as you eat through your mouth.

Seek unadulterated pleasure in every bite you eat. Aim to extract as much pleasure as possible from the experience of eating and the food itself. Do this by slowing down and breathing and feeling your body. Pay attention to what you taste, smell, see feel and experience. his will activate your body's natural appetite control."

I got to know and really enjoy some great women over lunch as we tried to breathe, taste, enjoy and talk. We kept forgetting, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be breathing!"

We did much more and the day ended at 7p.

Union Square after class for some Whole Foods splurges and another full moon sighting.

Subway fun. Can't imagine lugging the entire drum set down there.

Miranda's door! Home in the city! Miranda was out with family and I had her lovely apartment to myself. I drank tea and had a hot shower while looking over my books in the quiet. It was magnificent, but I was starting to miss the family. Interesting.

Last day of the weekend, loved how this curtain was floating in the evening breeze.

We had a lecture by Danyelle Demchock of gluten free and gorgeous http://www.glutenfreeandgorgeous.com/
that was very motivating about going gluten free. I've been very reluctant to admit that I have a gluten sensitivity. It just seems so trendy and annoying, but she addressed the immune issues and other symptoms that were familiar to me so I think it's time to give it a try.

A note from a fellow pleasure camper. I thought it was wadded up gum she wanted me to throw out for her.

But she smiled and said, "No, it's a note for you. Read it!"

I opened it at back at my chair.
It made me smile.
And I took a photo.
I love Pleasure Camp.

The gorgeous Hindu goddess who held the lemons in the kitchen.

The spread of healthy snacks they provided.

It was a wonderful program. I felt so lucky to be there. There was so much going on and so much information I could go on and on, but I wanted to write this and post it. I will share more.

Jenna came up to me during a break and excitedly grabbed my arm and said, "We picked you for the scholarship because you're an herbal witch and you're in touch with the magic of the Earth."

I was shocked, but not shocked at all. I was quiet for a moment and then replied, "It's true!"

Then she said, (all paraphrasing here..) "We also picked you because of your blog. You're out there and you'll spread the word!"

"I will!" I said and I will.

Packing up

2011-11-11T21:28:00.000-05:00

I worked late the night before my trip to Pleasure Camp and came home to a gorgeous full moon. I was tired but I had so much packing, cleaning and planning to do so I could disappear for 3 days!

List list.
Pack pack.
Plan plan.

I set out at 11:11 on 11/11/11. Oooh I love that. I had been looking forward to the big 11/11/11 day (as my readers know I am a big fan of 11:11) so it felt quite magical to be taking a road trip to a weekend filled with transformation, Hooray!

I borrowed Rob's phone for the weekend. I pretend to be a Luddite and like the quiet and moments of solitude I get as someone who does not own a cell phone, but I really liked having one. It felt like my little buddy, which might be the problem, but it was fun. On the drive I listened to Healing with the Masters with Jennifer McLean http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/

who is lovely woman with an interview show online that I like. She did a big prayer circle for 11/11/11 and had us imagine moving through a portal. There were 10,000 of us on the line and in person and I got quite spacey and blissed out as I drove along in Connecticut traffic.

My new crow sticker

2011-11-11T09:30:00.001-05:00

It's really for the Crow Bookshop in Burlington Vermont but I called them and he sent me some.

Pleasure Camp!

2011-11-10T22:27:00.006-05:00

I got an email from a great health coach on Monday. Her name is Jenna la Flamme and she gives online lectures and webinars focusing on listening to your body and allowing eating to be motivated by pleasure. Here's her blog:

http://www.pleasurableweightloss.com/blog

Here's the email she sent to her list:

"I was thinking about what I could do to blow your mind. And I decided to offer one full scholarship to Pleasure Camp this weekend. It’s simple to enter. Just write a short paragraph explaining:
1. Why you want to come to Pleasure Camp
2. Why you should win the scholarship
Just hit reply to this email. I’ll pick one winner, who will attend PleasureCamp on me.
Go ahead. Imagine basking in the glow of multiple, sincere compliments about how good you look this holiday season. That’s a known “side effect”of Pleasure Camp.
I can’t wait to read your email. Good luck.
Love,xo Jena

After a dog walk where I brainstormed a letter, I sent it out.

On Nov 7, 2011, at 11:42 AM, K Harris wrote:

Hi Jenna,
My husband looked at me with amusement and concern yesterday and correctly stated, "You need a vacation!" because I was on the verge of tears. I had forgotten about daylight savings TWICE in one day and was apologizing to my mother for crashing past her out the door when she Finally arrived (actually she was right on time. Uggh!) Balancing life being a mom to two lovely girls, managing a not quite so lovely but still lovable naughty one year old mutt, being a loving wife and working three different jobs as a nurse to coordinate with everyone else's schedule has pushed me to the verge of crazy. I know what I need to do to take care of myself but I just don't have (haven't made?) the time to create it and it breaks my heart.

I have realized that sugar makes me feel terrible and I just discovered I have a gluten sensitivity (oh that's why my stomach sticks out all uneven like that after I eat bread!) and I am so overwhelmed with the changes I have to make in my life, my family's life and my diet I want to cry.
I NEED YOUR PLEASURE CAMP JENNA!
It is the first weekend I'm not working in forever and my husband is on board to give me whatever I need to recharge and come back renewed-That in itself is a miracle and makes me think this pleasure camp offer is for me!
I am on the verge of (hopefully) expanding my herbal potions and products business, stepping out as an energy healer (using Reiki and Emotrance and aromatherapy) and I need some sassy healthy living learned from a pleasure weekend to support the whole shift and the people I hope to assist in their healing!
See my etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/CrowLadyHerbals
See my blog http://katsuzharris.blogspot.com/

I hope to see you soon!Thanks for the offer, Jenna. It is very generous of you. If I don't make it; I hope it is a magical healing weekend for you all.
Love and blessings, Katherine Harris

Here's what I got at work the next day!!

Hi Katherine,
Thanks for your application, you are the winner!!
I'd like to offer you a full scholarship to Pleasure Camp.What's not included is your travel and accommodation costs so please confirm that you are equipped to take care of those and therefore able to accept the scholarship.I can't wait to meet you and was really touched by what you had to share in your application, thank you. Drop us a note back as soon as you get this and we'll get you officially registered if everything lines up for you.
With love and excitement,xo Jena

I was shocked! Oh my! Now I actually have to go. I emailed my dear friend Miranda and she graciously said she'll put me up in her apartment in Brooklyn and has been sending me really helpful emails about where to park, eat, and how to get from one place to another. I'm so excited! I just printed out directions here at work and I am heading out tomorrow at noon. The girls were bereft and sobbing when I told them, but they cheered up when Rob said they could eat candy and watch bad TV.

Here's the link to Pleasure Camp NYC.
http://www.pleasurableweightloss.com/pleasurecampnyc/go/index.php
and one she did at Omega
http://www.weightlosspleasurecamp.com/go/
I'll tell you how it goes!

Sharing day for Georgia

2011-11-07T21:35:00.003-05:00

I brought in Henny Hen Hen for Georgia's sharing today.
She is such a sweet chicken, she didn't mind the screaming of the children or all their hands patting her. Two of the children cried in terror of the quiet chicken and wouldn't even come down the steps to see her.

Georgia had a grand time holding her chicken and showing her off. (She is wearing the medal from the final day of soccer practice yesterday. It looks like she just won some honor at a county fair or she and her bird just won a race, but no.)

Cookie napping

2011-11-06T21:31:00.002-05:00

on Lily in the warm car on the way home from Rob's race in Northampton this weekend. Cookie doesn't sit still very often so Lily really enjoyed the weight of her soft sleepy head on her lap. Usually I can't get Lily to tolerate a photo but she sat still for this one.

It was cold being a spectator for the race. Half way through the 40 minute race we had to go warm up in the car, Rob noticed a lapse in our hollering and whistling from the sidelines.

Trick or Treat on Halloween

2011-11-04T13:15:00.001-04:00

was sort of canceled, but we met up with some friends and did some trick or treating before it got too dark and we couldn't see the downed wires!

Georgia was to have an elaborate Hyena costume coming from my mother, but she couldn't make it out to deliver it due to the storm. Instead, Georgia ran upstairs and threw together a fairy outfit and some wings and she and Rob made a crown. Very nice.

Here she is holding Olive, the cutest pug in the world.

Lily was Tonks from Harry Potter and wore "clothes that pop"

Here's Georgia before and after a lick from Olive!

We trick or treated at our cars, some friends houses on Highland and then drove to Main Street where there was more of a party.

One lively soul had candles and pumpkins lit, leading us down a long dark road to "full size candy bars!!"

We went home to our dark home and lit the candles and got the fire going while Lily took a shower to get the orange out of her hair.

It was a fun night and we parents were glad to have less candy to tempt us than other years.

Oct 31st-Cookie's First Birthday!

2011-11-04T13:14:00.001-04:00

We did the math when we first got Cookie in February and found out she was @ 14 weeks old so we chose a birthday. When we counted back it was somewhere around Halloween; so a Halloween baby she is.

Here she is licking her chops for a cornmeal muffin frosted in peanut butter, sprinkled with kibble with a chew stick for a candle; all creatively done by Lily.

Look at the size of that dog's tongue!

She was very focused on the prize during the song and hug. She ate it quickly. Between her recent not-coming-when-called, almost devouring the chickens, and humping everyone's leg, she didn't get a really big party.
But she liked her muffin.
I ordered a dog whisperer DVD today.
Soon I will be exuding calm assertiveness and the dog will settle down....

Snowy Day

2011-11-03T17:00:00.000-04:00

A walk with Cookie and the girls on the golf course. Cookie was in heaven!

Last night when I was at work, the power was out and it was cold and dark outside, Cookie decided to sneak out and not come when the family called her. They were all cold, hysterical and furiously frustrated with her, so they called me at work. Totally stressed me out.
She finally came in and they all went to bed in front of the wood stove.
I got home the next morning and they were all still annoyed with her.
I took her to the golf course and she ran away from me, too. Luckily I brought some rotisserie chicken and tempted her back, but at one point she stole Georgia's mitten and ran away with it. She tossed it in the air and bolted around us. It really pissed me off.

She had been good about coming when we called her, but I think it all went wrong when she got loose to chase the chickens. Now she sneaks out around us as we go in and out of the slowly closing back door. She is rascally and obsessed. Lord help us. I had no idea how taxing our Cookie would be.

\

Deep snow photos I took for the relatives in Florida! No one around here would be impressed, but my nieces in Florida were very jealous my girls got three snow days in October.

Getting a little stir crazy! Note the leaking air mattress in the background and the wild eyes of the child.

October Snow Storm!

2011-11-03T12:12:00.003-04:00

I was stuck at work! I HATE to leave home in these wild weather events, but there I was stuck at work while Rob and the girls were stuck at home with no power. Uggh! The snow was heavy and deep and there was no way I was going to make it home. There were trees down everywhere. I went to bed after looking at the snow fall out my window.

And woke up to a clear blue sky and a world transformed. Winter!?

Bringing in the cabbage.

2011-10-29T14:28:00.005-04:00

Lily and I went to help harvest before the snow storm. Here's Lily packing up a crate of cabbages. She packed the whole thing!

Gorgeous eggs! Love the smooth shiny shells.

Here's where we gathered a bucket of potatoes. "Only harvest them if they're bigger than a chicken egg and don't have any sunburn" (a green shiny area where the sun hit the potato while it was growing)

Fun!

But wish I brought warmer gloves. It's cold out!

Jewel perked up

2011-10-29T14:24:00.005-04:00

Last week when we found her so lethargic, her eyes barely able to open, I thought she was a goner. We gave her bowls of water and food down on the floor of her cage where she could reach it, even in her infirm state. That night Lily and I took her up to my bedroom where we read Harry Potter for an hour while I gave Jewel Reiki the whole time. My one hand was on her body and it felt so thin and her breathing was so fast; I thought she would be dead the next morning. I had the girls say goodbye.

But there she was the next morning and every morning after, getting more and more perky and bright eyed!

We cleaned her cage almost every day because she kept spilling her bowls of water. I think she likes the extra attention. Sadly, when she's not on death's door, she gets much less attention. But it's nice to see her back to grabbing food out of our hands now and sniffing around almost like her old self.

Hooray!

October snow

2011-10-28T19:16:00.005-04:00

Chickens hiding in the garage after Cookie grabbed each of them by the neck. It was horrible. Rob had let the chickens out on this first cold and snowy day to be helpful, but Lily went out to sled and let Cookie off leash; not knowing the chickens were out.

It has been 8 months that Cookie has been with us and she has never gone after the chickens. I thought she might be scared of them. I was wrong.

Georgia told me when I came downstairs, "Lily let Cookie go, but Papa let the chickens out." She had been watching Lily sled from the window and saw Lily let go of Cookie's leash. I went running out down the hill yelling, but Cookie had already run into the fenced in area and had Sparkle in her mouth. Lily realized what was happening and came up behind her, shrieking! Cookie let Sparkle go, but went right for Henny-Hen-Hen. There was flapping and yelling. I got to the fence and hollered at Cookie, but she was all instinct. She had the chicken by the neck. Lily kicked her and I hopped over the armpit high chicken fence and fell on her, pinning her to the ground.

The chicken stumbled away.
It was dramatic and awful.

Georgia was watching from the window with horror, crying.

Sigh.

What a way to start the day.
My back hurts.

Really, I can't believe it hasn't happened before.
I thought she had kind of a quaint interest in them, but no, she went right for the neck even with Lily and I yelling our heads off.

I was furious with her. We scolded her and put her in the crate.

Later I realized it was her instinct. Not much she could do about it. And the fact that I had been able to tackle her and grab her mouth without any fear of her hurting me was a good thing.

Not sure if she is going to ignore them or work harder to get at them now that she experienced all that excitement.

The rest of the morning dripped by.
Our dog suddenly seeming more feral and coyote-like than she had before the day began.

My nasturtiums finally succumbed to the cold.

Georgia sledding with her easy to comb nit-free new bob.
The snow along the fence glowed and steamed as it melted in the rising sun.

First Snow!

2011-10-27T21:06:00.011-04:00

We were up in Brattleboro for the evening. The girls and I were getting very overdue haircuts.

I have a terrible head cold.
Georgia got sent home from school with head lice 2 days ago.

It has not been a fun week.

We looked out the window and snow was falling!!

While Georgia got her short bob and Rob read a magazine, Lily and I ran down the street so I could take some photos of this window display at Delectable Mountain, a gorgeous fabric store on main street.

http://www.delectablemountain.com/

The characters are so life-like. Are they porcelain? They're a little creepy, but also amazingly beautiful. I love their hands.

This little fairy is playing with a salamander but I couldn't quite get it in the photo. Look at those wings!

Here's the entire display with reflections of the wet street.

It looks like they are going to come to life any moment. After listening to my Dangerous Old Woman CD class by Clarissa Pinkola Estes I am feeling very reverent about old women. I've been teaching nursing students at a local nursing home. it is so sweet and startling to suddenly be spending time with some funny kind elderly folks. I love that the old fairy is holding the baby in the center of this display.
Here's a little table set for tea and woodland treats.
Magical!
We ran through the wet cold streets to Mocha Joe's and got some chamomile peppermint tea for my throat. Lily was wearing shorts (She had made a bet with Georgia that she wouldn't wear pants until it snowed. Hooray that it snowed so she can finally put on some pants when we get home!)

Rob amusing Georgia by writing letters on her belly that she had to guess. She was very rowdy after her haircut. She said she felt like she was out at midnight and was bounding on the furniture. We go to Salon Jacque http://www.salonjacquevt.com/ which is a nice place in downtown Brattleboro because Kristie is there and she is such a talented, kind and patient young woman. She gave both the girls their first haircuts and we have followed her place to place.

We got home by 7p but it felt like the middle of the night. The girls ran out to make a snowman in the dark!

Local cougar sightings

2011-10-27T11:38:00.003-04:00

(I haven't seen one! This is a stock photo...)

But, Rob's fellow cyclist spotted a cougar/mountain lion in Gill last month.
In the newspaper someone wrote in to say they spotted one at Northfield Mountain last month.
Both those places are less than 10 miles away! (the range of a cougar is 10-500 square miles)

This July, a cougar that traveled from South Dakota was hit by a car in Greenwich Connecticut. Here's an article from the NYtimes.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/07/27/nyregion/20110727-mountain-lion-killed-in-connecticut.html

They have been extinct in the Northeast since the late 1800's but there are more and more local sightings every year.

These local sightings have changed how I feel in the woods.
It's not all bad.
It's not just fear.
There is something powerful about sharing the woods with a great predator. It makes the woods feel more wild and more mythical.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes of wolves in Women Who Run With the Wolves

"Although many spoke of them as menaces, I always felt safer when there were wolves in the woods."

Rob in his new reading glasses

2011-10-22T21:02:00.001-04:00

What a cutie! I hadn't seen them yet.

Here he is reading about Culebra, the island off Puerto Rico where the family is going on my one year anniversary of getting sick (late Feb/early march) and ending up in the ICU at Baystate.

When I lay in the hospital nauseous and miserable I promised myself I would go away when I got well and I would rest somewhere tropical. This is not something I would usually crave, the blazing sun pisses me off after a while, but it feels like I have to follow through on my passionate pledge to myself that I made when I was so ill.

Rob has been skeptical about the whole thing, mostly the funding and the tiny plane one takes from the mainland.

He read the chapter in Lonely Planet last night and said, "OK. Sounds good." which was good to hear because I didn't want to drag him kicking and screaming.

Georgia's learning how to ride a bike

2011-10-22T18:21:00.005-04:00

So I dragged myself outside on this gray afternoon after sleeping until 3:30pm. She went from terrified to excited as she scooted around. Rob and I took turns holding the handlebars and her back/ neck/ seat as we went up and down the street, both of us complaining about our bad backs.

Here is a gorgeous nasturtiam patch that has been giving me so much pleasure this fall. I planted them really late and wasn't sure if they would even bloom. They are a lush reminder to me to not give up on the garden when the weeds are triumphing in high summer.

Leaving Deerfield after my overnight shift

2011-10-22T07:49:00.003-04:00

at 7am I got a good look at these lovely houses that a student has placed around the campus with snippets of poems and quotes from Emily Dickinsen.

http://deerfield.edu/2011/10/the-little-white-house-project%E2%80%94dwell-in-possibility/

“Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. Espousing the former is not defending the latter.”
― Emily Dickinson

Part Five: The Single Hound

CXII

THAT Love is all there is,

Is all we know of Love;

It is enough, the freight should be

Proportioned to the groove.

Uh oh

2011-10-21T20:57:00.003-04:00

Jewel suddenly looks very sick. She's lethargic and her eyes are closed as she staggers around in her cage. The girls gave her little bowls of water because I think she is too weak to drink from her water bottle.

Georgia is very worried.

Soccer practice

2011-10-20T21:08:00.001-04:00

Season's coming to an end. Lily was so anxious about her first game, she wanted to bail. But now she loves it! As a non-athletic person I had no idea how much to push, but I'm glad I had her stick it out and that the coaches were so encouraging. It opens a whole world of being sporty and physical that I think she will love.

Beaver walk

2011-10-20T21:00:00.002-04:00

is what we call the trail behind the golf course in Northfield. We used to see beaver there and hear their warning tail slap when we approached their pond. I haven't seen beaver there for a while, but the name is the name. I just discovered these overgrown stairs in the middle of the woods and it felt like some mythical and ancient ruins. The stairs are flanked by dead cedars and thick grape vines.

I just borrowed Clarissa Pinkola Estes' 6 CD class called The Dangerous Old Woman from the library and Holy Crap! It was amazing. I felt transported to another world and I feel like I learned so much. I want to listen to it again and again, especially the stories! Here's a blurb about it from Amazon:

Old While Young, and Young While Old: We are born with two forces that give us every lens we need to see who we really are: the wild and ever-young force of imagination, which contains intuition and instinct, and the wise elder force of knowledge, which holds boundaries and carries the heart of the visionary. Through captivating stories and insights, Dr. Estés illustrates why this twofold way of being "old while young, and young while old" is the secret to holding and replenishing the center, thus living wildly and wisely ensouled amidst life's travails and triumphs. Your Legacy: Wild and Wise, Both "If you are not free to be who you are, you are not free," says Dr. Estés. Begin and deepen the work of bringing your one-of-a-kind legacy into the world following the trail blazed by the Dangerous Old Woman. She who stops at nothing to nourish, protect, and guide us in the offering of all our creative gifts.

http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Old-Woman-Stories-Archetype/dp/1591799716

I listened to her every time I got in the car over the past 2 weeks and it made the mythic world, the world behind the veil, seem more real that the mundane every day world.

On the walk I found this Barred Owl feather. A few weeks ago Cookie and I had spotted a Barred Owl on the logging road walk. I had gone off the trail to see who the crows were mobbing in a big old pine tree in a ravine. The crows scattered as Cookie and I approached and then the big owl swooped down on her broad wings. Then last week Lily and I heard her hooting outisde at night. "Who cooks for you Who cooks for you all" is the cadence. Rob had come in saying he thought he heard and owl and Lily and I ran outside and waited in the chilly dark.
Nothing. Silence. The the call from the dark woods. Lily called back. It responded.

The feather looked so fresh and bright. Cookie came upon it, sniffed it and then jumped back, barking loudly. I took it home. Part of me wanted to leave it for the forest or for someone else to find. But I felt like it was there for me.

Milkweed Pod

2011-10-19T21:05:00.001-04:00

Looks like it has scales like a fish, so tightly packed in a bundle.

Lily offered a taste of the milkweed to Henny Hen Hen and she didn't want it.

Providence RI

2011-10-18T09:40:00.002-04:00

We went to Providence Rhode Island last weekend. Rob had a bike race Sat and Sun so he had booked a hotel nearby.
Here's a blurry photo of us and of Lily throwing stones. We were at Conimicut Point Beach where there was a view of Providence.

There were men fishing all along the shore, each one listening to his own small radio while smoking a cigarette. No one was catching anything. It was nice to see the ocean. We were tired, partly from eating our weight in Bertucci rolls, and we almost bailed on driving through unfamiliar neighborhoods, but we rallied and the GPS made it possible to get there and back to the hotel without a fight.

The girls really wanted to use the gym so we spent some time in the tiny gym that looked bigger because of well placed mirrors. The pool was open until 11p but we had gone in before dinner and everyone who dunked (not me!) had burning eyes from excessive chlorine. We had to bring a cool washcloth to Bertuccis and the girls took turns crying. Robs eyes were tearing down his face.

We weren't going back in there.

Rob racing! He's the second guy. It was a bright sunny day.

We hid beneath the sycamores. Roger Williams Park has very nice trees.

We did the carousel again this year. Two years ago Georgia was scared but this time she was master of her giraffe.

Lily chose a lion.

Checking out the teeth....

Then to the zoo. I dragged everyone because the security guard at the hotel convinced me, "Oh it's a great zoo! There's a polar bear that swims around. You can watch it underwater and there are lions and tigers. It's great!" I hadn't remembered that from our previous trip, maybe they had all been sleeping? I've been writing something with tigers in it and was excited to see one close up.

Alas, the security guard was a liar or very confused.

No polar bears or lions or tigers.

There was a Crowned Crane who was probably insane from confinement, but did interact for a good long time with Georgia's hand.

There was an extensive pumpkin display that went all around part of the zoo that they light up at night, but we were all really tired so we didn't stick around for that.

There were Harbor Seals swimming back and forth, back and forth.

Beautiful tall giraffes wandered around.

And the huge elephants waited in line to lie down and get their weekly blood draw.

Somehow this flamingo with her goofy knees reminded me of Cookie who we left at a kennel for the first time. We were beyond tired, hot and getting grumpy. It was interesting to see the animals close up, but of course depressing and draining, too. Rob was so tired from 2 days of racing he finally said, "Get me out of here." handing me the map as he started to stagger in the blazing sun "Find the shortest route." We made it home in time to pick up Cookie (Hooray!) She was very excited to see us.

We were glad to home and take a nice walk before dark. I had dragged my feet about going away for the weekend because it takes so much time and energy to prep and then unpack, but it was very nice to get away from home for just a bit.

Wood Stove season has begun!

2011-10-17T21:06:00.001-04:00

Love the toasty heat although it makes me lazy.

A thank you letter I sent in June

2011-10-17T13:47:00.005-04:00

What a thrill,

What a shock,

To be alive on a

morning in June….

-Michael Cunningham

My Dear Caregivers,

It has taken me so long to write this letter. It has been rolling around in my brain since I was a patient at both Franklin and Baystate in late February to early March this year.

I was so sick and so delirious during the beginning of my experience that I cannot speak about each wonderful provider who cared for me. Inconveniently, my dear husband has blocked the whole traumatic experience out of his mind, so he is no help when I try to mine for details of our harrowing experience.

I had an ear infection that had ruptured my ear drum the night before. That much we knew when I entered the ER at Franklin after I had become delirious with a fever of 105 that next morning. After a cat scan, a lumbar puncture, labs, antibiotics, IV fluids and I don’t know what else, I was getting worse. I could no longer remember my husband’s name. I did not remember my children’s names and was starting to lose the knowledge that I had children at all. Was it a brain tumor, meningitis, sepsis? Staff worked hard to find out what I was sick from and how to make me better.

Lindsey McCloud and Dr. Mike Dunkerly cared for me in the ED and I am so thankful for their great skill and compassionate concern. There were others, too, that I would like to thank, but I don’t know who they are. I do know that Dr Karen Scott and Kathy McLeon provided great care for me in the ICU at Franklin. I am forever grateful. Kathy was such a gentle yet strongly protective presence who I was very thankful to have accompany me in the ambulance to the Baystate ICU. I knew I was very sick. I knew my mother looked very frightened as they wheeled me away to the waiting ambulance.

I, thankfully, was in a place of great peace. I felt a bit puzzled by the same questions about names and dates and the moving from ER to ICU then to Baystate ICU, but I was not in pain anymore since my eardrum had ruptured at home the night before. What I felt throughout my stay, even when I was no longer delirious, was the skilled, tender and compassionate care given to me by every one of my caregivers. What a blessing! If you have not been cared for by loving and skilled people when you cannot care for yourself, then, let me tell you: It is a deeply moving experience that, in me, has fostered a feeling of great love and faith in the human race or at least in the wonderful humans I encountered during my hospital stay.

At Baystate ICU in Springfield I was cared for by wonderful nurse Mandy LaBrec who went out of her way to welcome my family and me into what could have been a scary new setting. Thank you to the many masked doctors who gently swamped me when I arrived at the ICU at Baystate at 3am. They were brightly awake and gently enthusiastic; working diligently to figure out what was going on and why I wasn’t stable after the antivirals, antibiotics, antifungals and fluids given to me throughout the day. Many many thanks to the brilliant infectious disease doctor Dr Eric Granowitz who was available in the middle of the night to discuss my care with Franklin doctors. Dr Granowitz also was there at Baystate to figure out I had a strep A ear infection that had spread into my bloodstream, creating a full blown sepsis. Dr Granowitz then calmly and with great intelligence, caring and humor explained what was going on to us each day as he methodically figured it out and I got better.

Once I was out of the woods and stable, I actually felt worse. Terrible nausea and vomiting overcame me during my stay on Springfield 2. Yuck. But my nurses there were lovely. They were busy, but so friendly; laughing through their entire 12 hour shifts. The aides were wonderful, too. Bathing me and getting me gingerale again and again when I could finally drink. Thank you Heidi, Victoria, Melissa, Kelly, Jen, Ana, Ashleigh, Dianna, Ed and Dunia

Thank you all from the bottom of my full heart.

I am so glad to be alive.

My family and friends are so grateful to you all that I am alive.

I feel a surprising residue from my journey throughout the Baystate Health System as a patient instead of my usual role of OB nurse at Franklin. I feel that I am meant to be here on this earth right now. The prayers and love of my friends and family kept me here, of course, but really, I am also still here as a direct result of the skill, attention and loving care from you who cared for me when I was gravely ill.

As my mother toasted at a belated Easter dinner, “Cheers to medical science and all of the amazing people who saved our Katherine!” It is humbling, but sweet, to feel so indebted to so many people, many of whom I cannot even remember. I hope you feel my thanks and know that through your kindness and skill you make a huge positive impact in the world. Every day.

I am thrilled to be here on a warm day in June.

I am so thankful to all of you

With Blessings, Love, and Respect,

Katherine Harris

cc: FMC ED, FMC ICU, Chuck Gijanto, BMC ICU, Springfield 2, Mark Tolosky

Mermaids

2011-10-16T17:59:00.003-04:00

Mermaids have been calling to me.

I have had this painting forever. I love how she is holding the shining pearl to her chest, heading further and further down into the deep.

And of course this beautiful painting I discovered in college by John Williams Waterhouse, I love the shiny iridescence of her tail and the way it flips back around her.

So I have always enjoyed mermaids, but lately it feels like a stronger pull.
when we went to Maine this summer I had looked intently out on the horizon for a peek of a seal or maybe a mermaid coming up from the cold dark water. I didn't see any, but Lily did find me the statue on the left in a cluttered souvenir shop. And we found Georgia this shirt with a Mermaid from Belfast Maine where we stay.

When Rob and I eloped in New Orleans years ago I saw pastels of mermaids for sale outside in the main square in a little cart. They were rich dark colors with hints of gold and yellow, the mermaids swimming down, almost abstract. I admired them and moved on, but have thought of them often and then tried to google them in every way imaginable, but it was an artist with a cart, not a store and it was 12 years ago. So I never found a glimpse of them again and by now who knows if my idea of them is anything like the original, glanced at for a moment years ago.

I recently realized I had to draw them. I had to make them myself. But I don't really draw well, not faces, not well enough to satisfy the image in my mind.
So, in the kitchen at work, I said to two of my favorite fellow nurses. "I think I have to take an art class at the community college because I have to learn to paint and draw enough the make mermaids. For some reason I've got to paint mermaids." One of them, an amazing artist, replied, "Oh no. I'll teach you!" and the other looked at me and smiled a special smile and said, "Oh I have something for you, Katherine. You'll see."

I thought those were very nice reactions to a totally random statement.

Then one of them, Susan, brought me this gorgeous and magical bracelet. She had one I had never seen and she wanted me to have one, too. We share the same birthday, she and I, and she also wanted to give me gift after recovering from my illness earlier in the year. I adore it. Looking down on it all day reminds of magic and the good things that come when you say something that strikes you in the presence of people you love.

I found another mermaid painted my Michael Hague in a book of fairies that I copied and laminated to sit by my altar.

I haven't tried to paint/draw them yet, but I am working up to it.
I think there is something about going deep and possibly finding something filled with light and life even in the cold darkness.

Jewel sounds good

2011-09-28T06:04:00.003-04:00

Thank goodness for our patient pet patients. Georgia rediscovered my stethoscope in my closet and listened to Jewel's breathing and heartbeat and then gave her a bath.

I hadn't even told her about my job where I am teaching the nursing students how to do the same, but to plastic mannequins not rats.

Home from work at 1am

2011-09-28T06:00:00.003-04:00

Met by some sweet, but heartbreaking, post-its from Lily on the door so I couldn't miss them.

Greenfield Garden

2011-09-24T11:38:00.005-04:00

Rob was gone for the weekend so we girls had an adventure on Friday night. We went to see Dolphin Tale, the movie. We all loved it. When it finished Georgia took off her 3-D glasses she said, "I can't see. For some reason my eyes are wet." It was a tearjerker, but nice to see a movie we could all enjoy with no bad guys and no romance. Great time.

damp walk

2011-09-24T11:36:00.008-04:00

It's been so wet even the fungus is growing fungus!

A red eft. They live 12-15 years in the wild. I had no idea.

I looked up this adorable mushroom and discovered on Wikopedia that it is "Amanita muscaria commonly known as the fly agaric or fly amanita is a poisonous and psychoactive basdiomvcete fungus"! Who knew? If you eat 15 they can kill you! Historically they have been used as a fly insecticide when soaked in milk.

And here is a spider web illuminated by the droplets of rain.

Lily stayed home sick from school with a stomach ache, but she was fine by 10am. We went for a walk and then watched Kit Kitteredge the movie. Nice day even though I got nothing practical done.

Gamble everything for love,

2011-09-24T02:20:00.003-04:00

Gamble everything for love,
if you’re a true human being.
If not, leave this gathering.

Half-heartedness doesn’t reach into majesty. You set out to find God, but then you keep stopping for long periods at meanspirited roadhouses.

Don’t wait any longer. Dive in the ocean, leave and let the sea be you. Silent, absent, walking an empty road, all praise.

-- Rumi

Happy Autumnal Equinox

2011-09-23T21:18:00.000-04:00

Welcome fall! It was a difficult late summer for me and I'm ready to begin a new season. I have alot of catching up I'd like to do on here. Hope all have been well!

Clarinet!!

2011-09-22T12:21:00.005-04:00

4th grade band begins!

The clarinet is gorgeous.
Matte black and heavy with the word:
Jupiter
on every piece.

Lily joyfully squawked and squeaked.

Hike/bike in Gill woods

2011-09-20T12:23:00.000-04:00

Cookie raced around the cyclocross track to keep up with Rob while he did a few practice loops. I don't think she's ever run so much, look at her tongue!

Cooling off in the river

it really felt like fall.
It begins tomorrow. I can't believe it.
What a beautiful waterfall on the way out.

2011-09-15T09:53:00.003-04:00

Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that, and nothing will resist you.—Martha Beck, Steering by Starlight

Cookie's horizontal ears

2011-09-09T10:43:00.004-04:00

as she focuses intently on the almost empty peanut butter jar.
The heart on her head has become more clear. So sweet.

Elderberry Syrup

2011-09-09T10:39:00.008-04:00

I have big plans to avoid illness this winter.
After my ear infection that almost killed me last winter I am feeling a bit more protective of myself.
One of my strategies is going to be taking elderberry syrup which prevents and shortens cold and flu. It is also from the magical elder tree where the fairy queen is said to preside and which has a long ancient history of great healing power.

We have been watching the flowers bloom and then the berries ripen on the patch down the street. They are very common in moist places and easiest to find when the flowers are in full bloom, bright and white they

reveal many elderberry bushes. I wrote down their locations this year so I could find them to harvest the berries later. You have to harvest at just the right time when the berries are dark purple and heavy but the birds haven't found them all and gobbled them up.

Georgia and I strolled down to the nearby trees and a cat bird scolded us from the opposite side of Bird brook where she was eating some of the ripe berries. We picked a bowl full.

and then made a syrup. I found a few recipes on the internet and this one sounded good.
http://wellnessmama.com/1888/how-to-make-elderberry-syrup-for-flu-prevention/

I boiled the sweet smelling berries in water for hours, strained out the liquid once it had boiled away half then added ginger root, cinnamon and cloves. Once it was cooled I added the raw honey. It is very sweet. Too sweet for Rob and Lily, but Georgia loves it and I don't mind it. Everyone is enjoying it on oatmeal, though.

My Great Grandmother Hulda used to make elderberry jam every year. My mother told me that one year she was too sick to go out and harvest the berries so her brother, Axel, harvested them and put them in the freezer for her to make her jam when she was better. When she finally opened the freezer there were the berries still on their branches. He had cut the branches off and stuffed them all in the freezer.

After Georgia and I picked these it rained for a week or so and when we looked again (I was going to make a few more batches, maybe one with brandy that wouldn't be so sweet) the berries were totally gone, each one picked from their stalks.

If I run out I'll have to order some dried berries on-line from Mountain Rose Herbs

http://www.mountainroseherbs.com/learn/elderberry.php

Walking Cooks

2011-09-09T10:10:00.004-04:00

It is very difficult to get a photo of her because she is always moving when we are outside.

The Beech tree was slick in the rain

And here's a shiny purple mushroom!

The dog is mighty taxing, but it is good she insists on a walk most days.

Darling mushrooms

2011-09-07T10:37:00.000-04:00

The forests are filled with mushrooms, must be all the rain.

These were so tiny and delicate I had to crouch down and capture them in photos.

It feels like the fairies have just flitted out of sight!

Camping

2011-09-06T10:40:00.001-04:00

over Labor Day weekend. Great fun. Smores,

fishing at sunset,

sparklers,

and campfires

Hiking Mt Grace

2011-09-04T10:42:00.000-04:00

Marker at the top.

Georgia and Olive, whom Georgia absoluty adores. We all made it to the top of the mountain. The experience made me realize I do need to do more cardio.....

Sparkle survives!

2011-09-02T22:38:00.000-04:00

Georgia came in the house looking horrified.
"Mama, there's a pile of feathers and I'm scared." She started to cry.
I went outside to look and there was a substantial pile of feathers just outside the garage, but nothing anywhere else. Nothing. I looked for some trail or sign of which way she had been taken. Did a hawk swoop down? Georgia looked around nervously and whimpered, "I can't go camping. I'm so scared." (We were packing for a camping trip this weekend.) I felt so sad and guilty. How could I have not heard anything? Now we had one chicken. One chicken in not a happy situation. She can't snuggle to stay warm and they get very lonely.

I told Georgia we'd go drive around and see if we could find any clues.
I went into the garage and thought I heard something. A soft cluck? I went to the way back, among the piles of tires and lawn equipment and I saw a feather and heard a very soft muffled clucking. I saw a mess of feathers and realized she was there! She was somehow stuffed under a tire and she didn't look good. There was blood, but at least we'd get to hold her and say goodbye. I ran inside and got gloves on. It looked like it would be gruesome.

I talked quietly to her and took the pile of stuff off of her and squatted down to pull her out.

She seemed OK!
She was all in one piece.
Her butt was bleeding where something had pulled out feathers but she seemed Ok.
Georgia and I were so elated! She was alive!
I set her down and our other chicken came close, then I noticed Sparkle had a limp. A chicken with a limp is a sad sight. She went to lie under the cedars with Henny and lay her head on Henny's back. I wondered if she might just perish from internal injuries at any moment, but she perked up and was alert the next morning. Hooray!

Lily's first day of 4th grade

2011-08-31T10:28:00.000-04:00

Rob and Lily rode bikes.
Here's my annual before-school photo.

They are both getting so big!

Hurricane Irene

2011-08-29T10:26:00.001-04:00

I was heading to the grocery store to stock up in sort of a panic and Tire Warehouse calmed me right down. Love that.

I had to work the whole weekend at the hospital. It felt terrible to drive away from my family in such a tense situation, everyone just waiting to see how bad it would be.

Sunday afternoon the sun came out and there was a double rainbow at Poet's seat. We were all so relieved and happy!

Then people started calling in because they didn't know if they could make it in to work because of all the crazy flooding. The mood got somber and we waited for people to get off the elevator and give us updates.
Scary what water can do.

Oh Cookie

2011-08-29T10:25:00.001-04:00

Here she is watching her chicken foes walk and cluck around the yard. Hours can go by...

Here Georgia is trying to get some attention, but Cookie is way too busy.

Rob just announced he doesn't think it's appropriate for the dog to be on the toy box.

Good luck with training her out of that habit!

Here she is about to pounce on Lily.

Hops!

2011-08-29T10:24:00.000-04:00

Dried for dream pillows and sleeping potions

Fresh and buzzing

Well Hello Henny Hen Hen

2011-08-28T10:17:00.000-04:00

We're down to these two stalwart and lucky chickens. They are so tame I have to resist letting them inside. Cookie is still obsessed with them, although she seems a bit frightened and jumpy when they are around and she is outside.

The Mullien is blooming

2011-08-27T10:13:00.000-04:00

I love their stalks that are like sparklers reaching high in the air with their bright yellow blossoms.

Harvesting Mint!

2011-08-26T10:14:00.000-04:00

Blooming mint at Woolman Hill! I harvested the dense fluffy leaves into my sterile jar while Lily's camp had opening circle. I didn't want to embarrass her by lurking in the fields so I had to move fast and avoid all of the droning bees.

Cambridge Shamanic Circle

2011-08-22T09:16:00.010-04:00

Well, I finally made it. My intuition told me to come to the Cambridge Shamanic Circle 15 months ago and I took my time, but I made it!

http://katsuzharris.blogspot.com/2010/05/human-pendulm.html

I have been having a hard time since Susan, my friend, colleague and beloved midwife to my children, died of breast cancer a few weeks ago. Even though I knew she was dying. Even though I was lucky enough to go to Susan's house with my friend and give Susan Reiki for years, I still feel so angry that she is gone and so sad I didn't spend more time with her.

I have also been having a miserable time with my girls. Either they sense my deep sadness and rage at the world and are acting it out or it is a terribly timed coincidence that when I need some quiet processing time for myself, my children are behaving worse than they ever have and are making me crazy, wanting-to-hit-them crazy.

So, I asked the babysitter if she could come on Friday and she could. I took off to see the Harry Potter movie alone (Heaven) and then drove 2 hours to Cambridge. I felt a bit guilty. Rob had been incredulous, "Really? Cambridge? This Friday? What?" But I knew I needed to go. As I drove along the highway, getting excited I had actually made the leap, a huge Bald Eagle soared above me for a long while. I knew I was doing the right thing. I got to Cambridge in record time and found a perfect parking space right in front, even though the directions were spotty and I had to rely on my vague distant memories of the back streets around Harvard Square. After I parked, I saw this car with a 444 license plate and you know I love 444 (According to Doreen Virtue it means: "Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm, and are an Earth angel yourself. You have nothing to fear-all is well." ) Love that.
I was just far enough from home to then miss my family and wish they were here with me. (I hadn't felt that for a while. Getting away is good.)

I had delicious burrito at Chipotle and then walked down the evening streets to the Quaker meeting house where the circle was held.

It was marvelous. There were 8-9 people sitting on the floor. Three of us were new. All the people were kind and open. I told them my story about my intuition finding them in the magazine in a bathroom and the 15 months going by and the babysitter and the bald eagle and they clapped with joy that I had arrived. The circle itself was magical and healing. I have been on journeys before and read a few books about shamanism, and their website was nicely informative about what I needed to expect. I won't write too much about the actual journey because the website gives the instruction:

"The Other World of shamanism is an infinite source for receiving practical wisdom and healing power. In order to treat the sacred spirits with respect, it is important not to speak casually about your experiences in public."

I tend to speak casually about everything so I have to hold myself back, but it was a deeply healing experience. After it was complete, I felt much brighter; more connected and aware that the deep unknowingness of the mysteries of the world was OK. It was part of the magic.

One of the leaders came to me at the end and said, "Well I guess you've been part of the circle for a while, but it was nice to meet you!" and she gave me a warm hug. I felt so light as I walked out to the soft lawn, quiet voices around me and the full moon above.

i carry your heart with me

2011-08-21T22:30:00.000-04:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

E.E. Cummings

(A poem I heard before I read it. The woman read it so slowly, it really sank in. Lovely.)

Farm magic

2011-08-19T17:16:00.001-04:00

The girls were driving me nuts! I don't know if it was the adjustment of being home from Maine, too much time together, anxiety about approaching school but they have been fighting with each other and being rude and moody with me.

I am out of sorts. I feel more angry than usual, my patience is much thinner, so that could be alot (most?) of their off-kilterness.

We were at Picadilly Farm harvesting these gorgeous calendula blossoms for drying and I felt like I wanted to cry from overwhelm. I was saying to myself, "Angels, please help me. Angels please help me!" in a sort of desperate way that felt unfamiliar. (Like I said, I'm having a hard time. I had also acclimated to a certain amount of alone time with the girls in school and now I can't go into the other room without them following me, all the while bickering with each other! Also I'm still wrestling with the shitty reality of death)

Lily interrupted my reverie by coming up with a handful of a plant she had picked; Sticking it in my face, she asked, "What are these?"

I had a funny moment.
I looked at them like an old friend where you recognize their face but it takes a moment to gather all the back-story from your surprised brain.

It was Oatstraw.
Oats.
Green and tall with a seed head that was still milky.
Must be a weed or cover crop from the flower garden.
I stopped and smiled.
I showed Lily how you can squeeze the pointy seed head and a milky juice spurts out, which is sweet and very soothing.
Oats are a deeply healing and nourishing plant that has been used forever to support the nervous system. It is amazing medicine for anxiety and despair.

I learned about it years ago by reading Susun Weed books. Here's a tidbit from her website.

http://nourishingherbalinfusions.com/Oatstraw.html

It was perfect for harvesting. The seeds were plump and juicy.
I felt. No, I knew, that the angels I had been fervently praying to, had sent Lily over to stick this old friend in my face.
I am a women who needs Oatstraw tea and maybe tincture (stronger!) in the pantry. Lily had been pretty difficult lately, for me and herself, so I thought she might benefit, too. And maybe it would reduce Georgia's swearing, that has reached new highs (lows?).

I harvested a nice bunch and we made some tea when we got home. Lily and I really liked it. Georgia tolerated it once it had lots of honey. The afternoon went better. Probably party due to the Oat tea, but I also felt better. I had been reminded that I had allies in the world around me. Sometimes I forget about the plants I can use; I take for granted all of my knowledge and connection with the plant world, but right now I'll take all the help I can get.

Fruit!

2011-08-17T08:33:00.001-04:00

The lushness of summer

condensed into jewels

summer fruit

A Sappho poem

2011-08-16T22:28:00.003-04:00

I loved in college
has been stumbling
through the corridors
of my brain.

Luckily, My mother
throws nothing out-
so the slight orange book
was there,
waiting,
calling for me
from a quiet distant shelf.

Here it is:

Some say an army of horsemen,
some of footsoldiers, some of ships,
is the fairest thing on the black earth,
but I say it is what one loves.

Sappho

Butterflies!!

2011-08-15T17:10:00.000-04:00

I was feeling sad and then I went to the farm.

The flowers were so bright on the gray day.

During Susan's memorial her daughter said that Susan always said she would come back as a butterfly....

There have been many sightings reported.

These beauties sat so still for me.
I was grateful.
I do feel like she is with me.
The other day, washing our hands at work, a friend and I both admitted that in a moment of crisis that day with our children we had both prayed imploringly, "Help me Susan!" to the air.
He calming yet no-nonsense presence is just what we both needed.

and here's a chubby little bee.

Roses for Susan

2011-08-10T13:20:00.001-04:00

After Susan's funeral someone brought up these beautiful roses and a card with an angel on it up to the birthplace and they stayed on the counter for a long long time.

A week later we were amazed at how fresh and bright they still looked.

Here's the full moon rising up over Poet's Seat from the nursery window at work. It was a quiet night. We got to talk about what a wonderful midwife and friend Susan was to each of us. It is difficult to lose someone. I knew she was going to die, but I am surprised by the shock I feel that she is really gone and also some anger, rage even, that someone so important and special could be gone......